Catemaco Retreat Journal

David Bruce Hughes, 2008

Introduction

This is a true story: the real-life spiritual adventure of establishing our Esoteric Teaching rural retreat center in a tiny, remote Mexican village, accompanied by my disciples Florian and Conor. They will no doubt tell this story from their own points of view, and therefore I do not wish to speak for them, but only for myself. This pastime represents the fruition of a dream long in coming into reality from its origin in the confidential instructions received from my spiritual Master Teacher Srila Prabhupada in 1978, at the time of his leaving this world. 

Srila Prabhupada was disgusted with his so-called leading disciples, actually a gang of rogues who usurped control of his International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON) through devious political machinations, degrading it from a transcendental Vedic esoteric school into a mundane religious organization. Srila Prabhupada, through the mercy of his dear sister Pishima, warned me about the vicious plans of my Godbrothers, told me that I should leave ISKCON and continue my sadhana independently, and instructed me to carry on the Gaudiya Vaisnava tradition and restore it to its original Upanisadic form based on Vedanta philosophy as described in his books. He assured me that if I would carry out this instruction, he would bless me with all spiritual success. 

My personality and qualities are really not adequate or suited to the important task entrusted to me by my guru. Nevertheless I have done my best to implement Srila Prabhupada's teachings, both the public ones given in his amazing and wonderful books, and the confidential ones given to me personally. Our humble retreat center is the manifestation of the vision he imparted to me so long ago. To be an agent of its manifestation was a great privilege to me and, I hope, to the other devotees whose service and dedication made it possible. Therefore I kept a (more or less) daily journal to record my thoughts and experiences during this important time. 

Esoteric Teaching Catemaco Retreat Founding Devotees Babaji, Florian and Conor

Part 1

Tuesday, March 4

īśvaraḥ sarva-bhūtānāṁ
hṛd-deśe 'rjuna tiṣṭhati
bhrāmayan sarva-bhūtāni
yantrārūḍhāni māyayā

"The Supreme Lord is situated in everyone's heart, O Arjuna, and is directing the wanderings of all living entities, who are seated as on a machine, made of the material energy." [Bhagavad-gita 18.61]

We leave Mexico City a little after 5 AM after packing up everything the night before. We have a nice little kirtan and say our goodbyes. Uddhava is more emotional than I have ever seen him. He has developed real devotion to guru. I was feeling apprehensive about leaving but Krsna has been calling so strongly, I knew we had to go through with it. Traffic was not too bad, except for the beginning of MX 150—lots of big trucks driven very aggressively. It was a little tricky figuring out how to make the turn and get in the express lane. Once we got out of town it was smooth and we could easily maintain 100 km/hr. 

Getting out of Mexico City we had to go over a huge hill that seemed to go on forever. Then we were in high desert country, maybe 3000 m. high or more, east of Mexico City. Very cold and kind of forbidding country, tough and dry. Some agriculture but not very friendly looking people. Life seems hard and not too happy there.

After all the mechanical checks and rebuilding the power steering unit, El Burro ran perfectly, and we had a very comfortable drive. He is a good machine for a long trip. At the end of the high plains there was a very tricky steep downhill section with many curves, tunnels and lots of fog. Warm, wet air from the Gulf of Mexico hits the mountains there and condenses, and we were literally driving through the clouds. Down into the mist and rain we went. Then we gradually came out of the rain into Veracruz state, into much lower, warmer and greener country, with lots of farms and ranches. 

We exited MX 150 after many tolls. We spent about MX$500 in tolls and another MX$500 filling up on gas. (US$1.00 ≈ MX$11.00) Then we head east-southeast on MX 180 toward Catemaco. It's very windy and cool. We reach the beach and it is a mess! We find one camping place and it is closed, looks abandoned and falling apart. The beach is dirty and littered with plastic. So even though we are tired of driving we decide to press on to Catemaco. 

Setting up for a concert in downtown Catemaco

Coming into the Tuxtlas about 1 PM, traffic is slow. It's rural and there are lots of speed bumps, pedestrians, stores, animals etc. Very pretty country, volcanic hills with fragrant green foliage. We see lots of farms and rancheros. But Catemaco is a tourist trap! Pitchmen on motorbikes stake out the entrance to the town and accost us en route. Lots of sellers everywhere except the very center of town. We go through town and head out onto the road to the north shore of the lake. 

Lots of ecotourism places, but very commercial and pricy, complete with phony commercial shamans, maybe some real ones too. We are just looking for a place to spend the night, but we want a camp not a motel. We see lots of signs for a place called Prashanti. It sounds good, so we follow the signs beyond the end of the paved road. Now El Burro is in his element: mud. It turns out Prashanti is closed for renovation for the season coming in a few weeks, and there's no camping there anyway. We press on to the south shore of the lake.

South Shore of Lake Catemaco

At the very end of the bumpy dirt lakeshore road is a small village, Las Margaritas. We see signs about an ecotourism place, so we go there and inquire. The first guy we meet is about my age, very friendly, seems genuinely happy to see us. It turns out he is El Patron, kind of informal Mayor of the town, certainly a leading citizen, named Reyes. He guides us to the camping place, which has simple rooms, a nice composting toilet, showers, even a kitchen. The weather is windy and cool, but no rain. The lake water is warm, very clean and refreshing. We arrange for three days' accommodation, set up our camp on the lakeshore, go swimming, cook and eat dinner, and fall blissfully asleep.

Wednesday, March 5

aho bata śvapaco'to garīyān
yaj-jihvāgre vartate nāma tubhyam
tepus tapas te juhuvuḥ sasnur āryā
brahmānūcur nāma gṛṇanti ye te.

"O my Lord, a person who is chanting Your Holy Name, although born of a low family like that of a candala [dog eater], is situated on the highest platform of self-realization. Such a person must have performed all kinds of penances and sacrifices according to Vedic rituals and studied the Vedic literatures many, many times after taking his bath in all the holy places of pilgrimage. Such a person is considered to be the best of the Āryan family." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 3.33.7]

Up a little before sunrise, we bathe in the lake. The water is warmer than the air. It must be the end of winter weather here. I take a short video but later, even with compression, it turns out to be too big to upload to YouTube from the local Internet place. After breakfast, Reyes shows us around the village. We find out the local stores and see the school, which is surprisingly neat and clean. Las Margaritas is very small, all dirt roads, very peaceful and clean. There are a few cars, a few more trucks, but everyone walks or bikes within the village. There are animals and gardens everywhere: the ubiquitous chickens, but also turkeys, geese, lambs and about a zillion waterfowl making raucous cries. I will have to record them someday soon; they are a riot of natural sounds at dawn. 

We ask about long-term camping arrangements. Reyes lights up; he owns a piece of land right on the lake, about .5 km. from the village. We take a look, and it is beautiful. Scrubby but right on the lakefront, with lots of wildflowers. Its aroma is like an orchid shop, heady and fragrant like incense. Best of all, near the campsite on a creek on his land are two waterfalls, one about 4 m. and the other nearly 10 m. high. The larger one has a little pool that is perfect for bathing on a hot day, of which there will be plenty later on in the summer.

We haggle about price, a process that takes most of the rest of the day, including an evening long-distance call to Uddhava in Mexico City to confirm the price and all the arrangements. Of course there is nothing written; all business here is done on trust and a handshake. It is a little dicey, considering the complexity of the negotiations and how little we really understand the local dialect of Spanish. We agree for four months at MX$1000 per month. He wants most of the money up front to finance the materials for a nice latrine, so we don't mess up the environment. We think his aim is to develop his property and rent it out to ecotourists later on—at a higher price of course. Finally after much haggling and negotiation we settle the deal, make a down payment and retire to the village campsite again.

Thursday, March 6

pavanaḥ pavatām asmi
rāmaḥ śastra-bhṛtām aham
jhaṣāṇāṁ makaraś cāsmi
srotasām asmi jāhnavī

"Of purifiers I am the wind; of the wielders of weapons I am Rāma; of fishes I am the shark, and of flowing rivers I am the Ganges." [Bhagavad-gita 10.37]

A big party of business people is coming to stay at the village. A gaggle of cacophony like a flock of chickens on steroids greets our ears as the village women descend predawn to prepare breakfast for the party. This is not our idea of a spiritual retreat, so we pack up early, get out of there and move to Reyes' land. We go into town with Reyes, finish our business and send a few emails. Now we have to set up camp, which takes most of the rest of the day. Camp life is peaceful once you're established, but setting up is a big passionate business, always racing against the onset of darkness. 

Lake Camp with Florian and El Burro

As sunset approaches the wind comes up again, something we had not prepared for. Right on the lakeshore we have no shelter; the wind is right off the lake into our teeth out of the north-northeast. Our tents are being battered; if it rains we will get soaked. We set up a big tarp for an outdoor kitchen, but the wind breaks its tie points as soon as we get it flown. Night falls and we have no choice but to tough it out in our poorly pitched tents. Luckily it does not rain. 

Friday, March 7

gata-saṅgasya muktasya
jñānāvasthita-cetasaḥ
yajñāyācarataḥ karma
samagraṁ pravilīyate

"The work of a man who is unattached to the modes of material nature and who is fully situated in transcendental knowledge merges entirely into transcendence." [Bhagavad-gita 4.23]

The lake is beautiful even in a stormy mood.

The day breaks cold and windy. There is no rain, thank God; but the spray from the choppy waves the wind raises on the lake makes us wear our windbreakers. The wind is too much; it forces us to pull back our camp from the short grass near the beach and take shelter under the trees 20 m. up the bank. We need the trees to rig our tents to withstand the gale-force wind that is threatening to rip them apart. But first we have to clear the ground of the thick vegetation, which is strong enough to pierce the floor of a tent with its shoots. So I put a sharp edge on our machete and hatchet with a file, and we set to work. Once the ground is cleared and smoothed with the shovel, we set up our tents and stake them really well. The cheap aluminum stakes that come with the tents are almost useless; they pull out after a few minutes of gusty wind. I carve a bunch of good strong stakes out of a piece of hard driftwood I find near the beach, splitting it with the axe and tapering each piece with a sharp knife. 

We can see from the waterline that storms drive the waves at least a meter above the calm-weather waterline. This storm is making 50-cm. waves, so it's pretty strong but hardly the worst weather this place sees on a regular basis. That's the price of camping near a large body of water; the weather is changeable and sometimes violent; but when it's nice, it is very very nice.

Anyway, we have to hurry because the work is time-consuming and we can see the rain moving toward us across the lake. At least the weather changes here give us plenty of advance warning. Chopping the roots and pulling them out is hard work. The wind whips up spray and blows it sideways, covering everything with a fine mist. At least it's fresh water; salt spray is very corrosive. But luckily no rain yet. Finally we get the ground cleared and pitch the tents. Ever try to pitch a tent in a raging gale? It's kind of like sailboarding, but on land. It takes both of us and all our strength to maneuver each ground tarp and tent into position without everything getting blown away. 

The tents need trees upwind of them to lash their poles to, so they will be braced against the wind. A tent is a tension structure; the more tension, the more strength it has. So we pitch the tent, stretching the floor to the max and staking it down firmly with our new improved stakes. Then we put the rain-fly on, lashing it with extra string to keep the wind from pulling it off. We run a rope from each pole to a nearby tree, then put a small tarp as a second rain fly over the windward side of the tent. We tension the rope to make the tent stronger in the direction of the wind. Then we stake the second fly to the ground and rope its corners to trees on the downwind side. The only tarps we could find in Mexico City were cheap and flimsy, so we have to put a rock in the corner and tie it off to spread the load, because the regular tie points would pull out as soon as the wind gets ahold of them. 

Tents braced for wind

By dark everything is finally set up, and we take shelter from the brooding storm in our newly reinforced tents. I had planned to do this work over 2-3 days at leisure, but the weather forced us to do it all in one day. Somehow I get dinner cooked, we eat a hearty meal and collapse with exhaustion. Then the rain comes, but we're too tired to even hear it.

Saturday, March 8

"There is no prohibition against meeting the proper needs of the senses, but unnecessary sense enjoyment is detrimental for spiritual advancement. Therefore the senses should be restrained from unnecessary use. Similarly, the mind should not indulge in unnecessary thoughts; that is called samah, or calmness. Nor should one spend one's time pondering over earning money. That is a misuse of the thinking power. The mind should be used to understand the prime necessity of human beings, and that should be presented authoritatively. The power of thought should be developed in association with persons who are authorities in the scriptures, saintly persons and spiritual masters and those whose thinking is highly developed." [Bhagavad-gita 10.4-5 Purport]

It rains heavily during the night, and we awake to a cold, wet world. Fortunately the wind has stopped, but it is still cool. Florian had diarrhea during the night, I think from stress and overwork, and feels weak. I have to go to town with Reyes to pick up material for the latrine. But when we try to start El Burro, the battery is dead. We try cleaning the terminals, but it doesn't help. Fortunately Reyes knows everybody, and when a neighbor passes in his truck, Reyes gets him to give us a jump. Neither of us has jumper cables, but no problema; the guy removes the battery from his truck, connects it to ours, starts the engine and then puts the cables back on our battery. "Muy inteligente," I remark in my terrible Spanish, making everyone laugh. So we pack up and head off to town, and a kilometer down the road, we find the same guy helping another vehicle with the same problem in exactly the same way. We pass them and wave, and everybody gets a good laugh in the process. 

The people in the Catemaco area, and especially in the country around Las Margaritas are gentle, good-natured folks. Unlike the people in Mexico City, they make eye contact when speaking or passing, and seem genuinely interested in our mission and activities. When I describe in my halting, imperfect Spanish that we are monks, that we have an international school of spiritual life, simple living and high thinking (vida simplistico y filosofica alta), and we respect the essence of all religions, they smile and nod in approval. They are mostly devotees of the Virgin Mary. The Catholic church in Catemaco has a large, beautiful lifelike statue of the Virgin that I can only describe as a Deity. People come to see her from all around; the church is a famous place of religious pilgrimage. The pilgrims worship her with flowers (readily available from local stalls and sellers), then cleanse their subtle bodies with them, in the manner of smudging. Many miracles are attributed to this practice, which certainly seems descended from both local shamanic practices and Vedic culture. 

Reyes and I go into San Andreas Tuxtlas where there is a large variety store operated by guess who: Wal-Mart! It is just like Wal-Marts everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised to find a Wal-Mart in Antarctica! I am nearly overwhelmed by the passionate energy of commercialism after just a few days in the woods. We pick up a new battery for El Burro and other miscellaneous supplies. On the way back, Reyes finds a place that sells heavy-duty tarps—so robust they come with a one-year written guarantee—and we pick up a 3 x 4-meter silver tarp for a sunshade or whatever. I have already decided that the kitchen and temple need to be in a tent because of the regular windstorms, but not to worry, we will find a use for it. 

We come back to camp and I change the battery and charge it. Now we have an extra battery, but I'm not sure how useful it will be. Maybe I can use it to keep the computers and other devices charged. I suspect that the reason the old battery wore out is that El Burro turns on the interior lights and other electrical gear whenever you open a door. The constant dampness from the make may also have something to do with it; or it may just have been a weak battery. Anyway, from now on I will keep the positive terminal disconnected whenever he is not in use, so the battery will not discharge when we open the doors to get stuff out of the truck. 

The day ends peacefully, crisis past, the rain slowing and finally stopping as night falls. The air smells incredible, like lilacs and lilies, jasmine and a hint of wood smoke. It is ecstatic, a sensuous delight just to breathe, so unlike Mexico City where we have been working for more than a year. We have (quite literally) weathered our first major test. Life is good, and we are very happy to be here.

Part 2

Sunday, March 9

yuktāhāra-vihārasya
yukta-ceṣṭasya karmasu
yukta-svapnāvabodhasya
yogo bhavati duḥkha-hā

"He who is temperate in his habits of eating, sleeping, working and recreation can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system." [Bhagavad-gita 6.17]

The weather is cool and clear at dawn, and the wind is calm. I am eating only fruit today. Yesterday at Wal-Mart I bought us inflatable mattresses, and they are very comfy. Lion is very happy to be in the jungle, He's feeling frisky. We goof around and sleep late, recovering from the intense efforts of the previous days, and it's a relief not to have to go anywhere or set anything up. Florian is feeling better and stronger after taking some ampicillin and resting. I figure I can use the extra battery to charge the computers and other devices. After I get done transcribing and editing this Journal I will test it, and see if it holds enough charge to do the job. 

I am trying to decide on the final format for this Journal, and am playing with the idea of publishing it as a podcast. It would be cool to have the text with pictures and a spoken version. But we do not get the pictures until Florian finds the USB cable for his camera. I have a similar cable for a USB hub but have not yet tried it with his camera. When you're camping, stuff can get lost in the bottom of a pack and you can forget you even have it—until you need it, of course, and that realization sparks a furious search. Naturally whatever it is you're looking for has gravitated, by some mysterious Law of the Universe, to the most obscure, forgotten corner of your tent, and only a thorough, determined search will uncover it. Often overheard at these moments: "I know it's here someplace; I'm sure I packed it somewhere!" 

Now it's noon and the breeze has picked up and a few clouds have moved in. It's still very pleasant. I can see that same breeze that gave us so much grief at first will turn out to be a welcome relief when it gets hot. Florian is feeling so much better he goes to the waterfalls to swim. I wash our clothes in scentless detergent and bleach; they come out surprisingly clean, and I hang them in the sun to dry. Reyes and our neighbor, an eccentric guy who lives in a tiny shack in the woods, show up to help us clear weeds from the bank of the creek. Reyes says, incredibly, that he wants to clear the jungle from the whole piece of land, all the way back to the road. He produces a huge machete made in Columbia. Its long, thin blade sings as he expertly wields it forehand and backhand with either hand. In very little time he has chopped down half an acre. 

The extra car battery easily charges my laptop and Florian's MP3 player through the inverter. Later I will recharge it from El Burro's alternator. Tomorrow or Tuesday when we go to town I will get some cables so we can recharge it without having to remove the main battery. That also means we do not need access to anyone's electricity to recharge our devices. We want to be as independent as possible to keep things simple.

East Shore of Lake Catemaco

There is so much prana here, so much life. You can feel it in the wind, in the ground, in the water. I am feeling extremely vigorous. When I chant, I can effortlessly belt out the mantra loud enough to be heard over the constant sounds of the wind, birds, crickets and waves. I am growing to really love this place, and can already feel that it will be hard to leave when it is time to renew my visa.

Monday, March 10

"A pure devotee of the Lord automatically develops all godly qualities, and some of the prominent features of those qualities are as follows: he is kind, peaceful, truthful, equable, faultless, magnanimous, mild, clean, nonpossessive, a well-wisher to all, satisfied, surrendered to Kṛṣṇa, without hankering, simple, fixed, self-controlled, a balanced eater, sane, mannerly, prideless, grave, sympathetic, friendly, poetic, expert and silent." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.3.13 Purport]

Cool, partly cloudy. It's a go-to-town day. We pick up Reyes and his good wife (whose name I either do not get or cannot remember) and head in to Catemaco. First a stop at the local general market for milk, yogurt, soap, brushes and miscellany. Then we head to San Andreas Tuxtlas for some serious shopping at Wal-Mart. We pick up battery cables, antibacterial soap for the latrine, some tools and a load of vegetables. Reyes persuades me to lend him MX$350 for a power disc cutter, promising to repay me in 8 days when he gets paid. From whom I can't guess, since he doesn't seem to work for anyone except himself. 

It's sunny and hot in Catemaco and Tuxtlas, but back in Las Margaritas it is cool and foggy, as if the day never quite got off the ground. Reyes explains that when it gets hot, the breeze is very pleasant. Right now it is rather raw. We checked the weather forecast at the Internet place, and it tells us that two days of rain is coming. Sure enough, by nightfall the sky is dark and lowering. 

Tuesday, March 11

ahiṁsā samatā tuṣṭis
tapo dānaṁ yaśo 'yaśaḥ
bhavanti bhāvā bhūtānāṁ
matta eva pṛthag-vidhāḥ

"Intelligence, knowledge, freedom from doubt and delusion, forgiveness, truthfulness, self-control and calmness, pleasure and pain, birth, death, fear, fearlessness, nonviolence, equanimity, satisfaction, austerity, charity, fame and infamy are created by Me alone." [Bhagavad-gita 10.4-5]

I wake up at 3 AM; it is very silent and still, no wind and warm. Hard to describe the mood. Sort of sweet and seductive. I go out and walk around naked in the dark, chanting softly. The lake is silver in the half-light. After a while I surrender to its call and wade in. The water is perfectly calm and still. I love the feeling of it on my skin, cool and soft. A vision of purity and perfection in this material world. God has made so much beauty; we are so stupid to trade it for Wal-Marts and freeways. Once it is destroyed it is very difficult, if not impossible to bring it back. I dry off and go back to bed, cuddling with a warm Lion.

7 AM: Rain. Rain, rain, rain. Rain rain rain rain rain... Well, you get the picture. Tropical rain, heavy at times, alternating with cool breezes. Anywhere I touch the inside of the tent, it leaks; I have to add another tarp to keep the rain off the vulnerable spots. It's ugly but effective. 100% humidity; the tropical downpour coats everything with condensation. Fortunately it's a warm rain. Hey, it's only water. After a while I surrender, get into my swimsuit and go for a dip. 

I am writing this Journal by hand (at least the first draft) in a fancy journal book that Florian gave me for my birthday. Writing by hand is a very different experience than writing by computer. I think it is very appropriate to the mood of our retreat here. You get more time to think over each word, and more incentive to choose them wisely. Edits are ugly, so you try harder to avoid the crossed-out words and black Xs. I wrote the first draft of my first book, Here Be Wisdom, by hand. It was a great exercise in finding my authentic personal voice. 

Today we will have truly international cuisine: pasta with salsa and tortillas! Florian stood out by the road in the pouring rain and stopped the guy who delivers tortillas to the local store on a motor scooter. He got the special gringo road price: MX$5 for a half-kilo rather than MX$8 at the local tienda. The local hermit comes by just in time for lunch. What a coincidence! Naturally we invite him and he enthusiastically accepts. Little does he know that he is getting bhagavat-prasadam, spiritual food offered to God. 

So we chow down on spiral whole-wheat pasta cooked in rainwater, hot fresh-cooked tomato salsa and tortillas. The mix is quite tasty, if I do say so myself. The hermit speaks some arcane local dialect of Spanish we can barely understand, and sometimes not at all. Many of the words he uses are not in our little Spanish dictionary. Maybe they are from some obscure Indian dialect. Anyway most of the meal passes in silence, the hermit sitting on a log, out in the rain, uncomplaining while Florian and I feast in the tent. 

The rest of the day passes slowly. I amuse myself by writing poetry. Maybe someday I will set it to music. 

Youth and beauty, fortune, fame, 
Nothing long will stay the same.
Sickness, death, a poet's rhyme, 
Material qualities dance in time.

Alternation, time vibration,
Round and round in oscillation.
Adumbration of transformation, 
Attributions in peregrination.

Up and down, a global sound,
A wave that spans the whole world 'round.
Complex, shapable, inescapable,
Time and change are this world's ground.

Now let's put awareness toward
Our everlasting, perfect Lord.
His Gita is the perfect Word
A sharp discriminating Sword.

The Absolute is constant, true,
Known only by a selected few.
He is exalted, effulgent, great,
But doesn't change, nor oscillate.

January, February;
This world is but temporary.
We cannot stop the march of Time
But we can get out of its line.

Hare Krsna Hare Krsna,
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare;
Hare Rama Hare Rama,
Rama Rama Hare Hare.

Wednesday, March 12

śamo damas tapaḥ śaucaṁ
kṣāntir ārjavam eva ca
jñānaṁ vijñānam āstikyaṁ
brahma-karma svabhāva-jam

"Peacefulness, self-control, austerity, purity, tolerance, honesty, wisdom, knowledge, and religiousness—these are the qualities by which the brāhmanas work." [Bhagavad-gita 18.42]

It is raining again today, not so intense as yesterday but slow and steady. At dawn I went for a long swim; it felt great. Afterward I felt terrific, better than I have in years, and just laid in my tent in the cool morning air, feeling magnificently alive. The native shamans recognized Lake Catemaco as a special place, full of healing energy, and they were right. Already the sore knee I had for months from going up and down the steep stairs in Mexico City is gone. But people in general misuse God's gift of the healing energy, just putting it into material purposes. What is the value of getting healed and then perfoming sinful activities? So they miss the most valuable opportunity of human life: to realize God.

I have also started doing yoga stretches and lower-back exercises again. For a long time—over a year—I have been spending most of my time sitting in a comfortable office chair. This left my lower back weak and easily misaligned. Now that I am spending hours a day sitting on the floor with my legs crossed, I can feel it in my hips and lower back. As soon as I started doing the exercises, my lower back became mobile and I was able to realign it. Now I feel much better. 

We are meant to live a simple, natural life. Artificial city life leaves the body weak, and then we compensate by taking even more material leisure. So the body wears out more quickly than if we lead a life of moderate physical activity. I have been physically craving swimming for months now. Now that I can swim as much as I like, the craving is still there but at least I can do something about it. Gradually I am increasing the time I spend in the water every day; by the time the weather gets hot, I will be swimming a lot. 

Florian and I are having some good conversations. He is starting to grasp the scope of the Vaisnava philosophy and teachings, and it is blowing his mind. We stayed up kind of late last night (9 PM) talking about all kinds of things. His background as a political strategist is going to be very useful for spreading this way of life. I think he will become a good brahmana and spiritual teacher someday; but first he has to attain self-realization. 

Florian is still a really new devotee. Nevertheless he is making astonishingly quick progress. I am convinced that the rate of spiritual advancement is directly related to the quality of ontological conception of spiritual life that one develops. Florian is chanting with a fluidity and ease typical of a 2-3 year ISKCON devotee; but he has only been chanting a few months. I observed similar progress in Uddhava, who has only been a devotee for about two years, but understands more about the advanced concepts of the philosophy, such as rasa-tattva, than many 20-year ISKCON devotees. This experience confirms my theory that one should learn vaidhi-bhakti and raganuga-bhakti side-by-side from the very beginning of spiritual life. 

The rain is stopping and there are breaks in the clouds. Looks like we will get a change in the weather soon now, certainly by tomorrow. I have taken my rain fly down and put all the wet stuff out in the sun and wind to dry. Florian just took a walk up the hill behind the waterfalls. He tells me he saw cows and some small houses up there, probably of caballeros. Next project: drive a bamboo stick into the lake bottom so we can tie our sandals to it when we go swimming. The shore is full of sharp volcanic rocks, so we have to wear shoes going in and out. Once we can lash them to something, we can be free to swim around without worrying about our shoes.

Thursday, March 13

Ah, blessed sunshine! Reyes told us that the bad weather of the past week was the final storm of the winter season. We can expect fair, hot weather from now until mid-September, which is just perfect for us. 

Today I got up before dawn, took bath in the lake, chanted my Gayatri mantras and a bunch of rounds in the early-morning sun, did my laundry, set out a bunch of things from my tent in the sun to dry, and took a long, vigorous swim. I just ate fruit all day, but now it's late afternoon and we are getting ready to sit down to an opulent feast: spicy guacamole with tomatoes and cilantro leaves, spiral pasta with salsa made from lentils, tomatoes, cilantro stems and cabbage with lots of butter and spices, and corn flour tortillas. Yes, and it's just as good as it sounds. This is the life!

Last night we talked about the educational system and how it ruins actual intelligence by taking the responsibility for getting an education out of the hands of the family and the individual. Instead of learning how to learn and apply any subject of interest, kids are fed other people's opinions and conditioned to regurgitate them on demand. Thus they come to confuse having opinions with actual education: learning how to learn and think for oneself.

The water here is exceptionally pure and full of energy. Lake Catemaco rests in the bowl of a (hopefully) extinct volcano; so there is lots of geothermal energy in the water. The only examples of similar lakes I know of in the US are in cold areas like Crater Lake in Oregon. But Catemaco's subtropical climate makes it accessible almost all year round. The waterfall here is really highly charged with prana. I want to bottle it, distribute it to our students, friends and donors. We are already using the waterfalls for drinking and cooking, and just use the creek water for washing and the lake water for bathing. And we are both feeling very healthy, relaxed and energized. Places do have attributes and affect us just like our human association. So just as we should associate with devotees for spiritual strength, for physical health we should reside at a pure place like Catemaco. This is a Vedic principle; a brahmana or devotee should live by a lake, river, stream or near the ocean, or anywhere there is a nicely-worshiped Deity of Lord Visnu. 

Today we went up to the big waterfall and made a video of me collecting water from the cascade. Water just doesn't get any fresher or cleaner! Then we treat the water with mantras and offer it to Krsna. When our Deities get here then we will offer it to Them. The result is very potent healing prasadam. Unfortunately we have to burn the video to a CD and snail-mail it to Uddhava to upload, because the Internet places here have such low bandwidth. When we get the product all designed, it will be called Las Margaritas Healing Spring Water.

I have an inspiration to start a holistic health institute here combining Ayurveda, Yoga, Vedic Astrology, and our spiritual teachings of devotional service. We could open as soon as September. People will come from all over the world for healing. The presence of foreigners also will make it famous and attractive to the locals.

Part 3

Friday, March 14

We went to town today, picking up supplies and running errands, and it pretty much took up the whole day. Icky, but what can you do? At least it was nice and sunny and hot. I mailed the videos to Uddhava, checked email and left posts on the site Forum, and we had a chance to pick Reyes' brain as we rode in and out with him. For example, we found out that there are few poisonous snakes in and around Lake Catemaco because it is volcanic, and snakes do not like the sharp volcanic rocks here. Just like in Hawaii, they cannot live here. 

We also discussed many other things. Reyes is a big landowner around here, responsible for hundreds if not thousands of hectares. He also has a house for rent for only MX$500 per month including utilities, which is like the best deal in the universe. It's not much to look at, in fact it's fairly primitive, but could be made comfortable for 2-4 men. We are already thinking ahead to September, when we will need a place to live and work, and it will be raining, so we will need a house of some kind. Catemaco may be better to start our classes, but we still will need a place to stay, and Las Margaritas is ideal for any kind of sadhus or spiritual work, plus the local people really like us. 

My public spiritual teaching so far has been based on the Second Chapter of Bhagavad-gita and its implications. Thus our work for the past few years has been primarily a philosophical, ontological and theological analysis of the soul and consciousness, and the essence of the distinction between material and transcendental existence (sankhya-yoga). Now we are moving into studying the Third Chapter so karma-yoga is going to be the theme for some time. Thus we are attempting to show the practical applications of the teachings on the nature of the soul in spiritual life.

This means that there has to be some practical work that illustrates the spiritual principles we follow: primarily purity, God consciousness and spiritual service. Holistic health is an appropriate vehicle for expressing our Vaisnava principles, because at its root it is about living in harmony with God and His natural laws. So a Vedic health institute is a great way to reach out into society and also support our mission. Today Florian and I agreed to a division of labor: he will focus on structure and organization, and I will concentrate on content. I will create the website and he will translate it into European languages.

Saturday, March 15

Another beautiful day. Yes!

I woke up early, all inspired to begin crafting the program for our holistic health institute. Krsna gave me the entire platform for the institute, which I recorded in an essay entitled Ayurvedic Holistic Health. I find that I can think better in complete silence. Even natural sounds are disturbing, therefore when I write I put earplugs in my ears. They help me think and concentrate better. 

What is really wonderful is how Krsna gives me complete thoughts, even musical compositions and essays in response to my desire to preach His glories. If I go to bed with an idea for a piece, very often I will awake with it in my mind, fully formed and ready to record. I do not take any credit for this; I know full well it is the Lord, revealing a little of His intelligence in my mind in response to my desire to serve Him in some small way. It does point out the value of learning how to duplicate, so we can record these valuable inspirations without any distortion. When I was studying musical composition, we studied Solfége, which is a type of ear training that enables one to duplicate and record any sound vibration. Now I see this musical training as a very valuable asset, because it helps me to duplicate and record the inspirations coming from the Lord.

Florian and I had a talk, several hours long, about the philosophy of Ayurveda and how it is a natural extension or application of our standard Vedic philosophy to health. Basically, the human spirit and body are God's energy, so if we just stop doing the things that make us sick, we get well. As long as the body and mind have not been too badly damaged, the life force (prana) itself will do the healing. Vedanta-sutra affirms that prana is another name for Visnu. Therefore Visnu, as prana, is the original physician. By performing sinful activities we break His laws and invite suffering. By following His spiritual laws and stopping nonsense activities, we accept His healing process. 

Sunday, March 16

Wow, things are moving fast. Reyes showed up early this morning to finalize the deal on the house. Uddhava wants to rent it right away to serve as a platform for organizing our holistic health programs and for storing our stuff when we are out of Mexico. He is already thinking in terms of moving out of his house in Mexico City and joining us in September or October. So he wants to come next week with a load of stuff, mostly office equipment, and send a moving van with our furniture soon after. The owners will clean up the property this afternoon, and we can start using the house tonight. I don't plan to live there, but to use it as an office while we continue to stay in our tents at the retreat location, on the lakeshore just 500 meters away. 

Krsna has a way of getting everything ready over a long period, then suddenly manifesting something very impressive. So all of a sudden we have a simple little house in an obscure rural village that just happens to be in one of the most ecologically desirable places in the world. That's Krsna's style; He always protects His pure devotees and gives them unlimited opportunities to engage in His service according to their desire. That way we never forget Him, and also provide relief to the living entities suffering in the iron grip of Kali-yuga. 

Florian is preparing a list of questions we need to answer to present a seminar series here: what tourist organizations are here, what are the statistics and demographics of the tourists, where and how long do they stay, where can we book a room for the presentation, how much should we charge, who can help us distribute flyers, etc. We will ask several people these questions to see what kind of perspective we get. I want to organize something within two weeks. Of course, as usual our biggest job will be to disabuse students of whatever nonsense they have already heard about Ayurveda and Yoga. 

The weather has held steady, and now it's nice and hot and sunny. The sky is flawlessly clear today. The place itself is so healing and inspiring that our holistic health institute is a guaranteed success. All we have to do is somehow or other get people to come here, and they will get healed. Now that we have a house for our office, the new website and program will come together very quickly. How fortunate we are, to be serving the Supreme Lord in this beautiful place! Everyone in our Esoteric Teaching community is invited to come here to study holistic health and Ayurveda in a traditional Vedic context.

Beautiful panorama of the country just northeast of Las Margaritas. Click picture to download full-size original.

Monday, March 17

Another perfectly beautiful day! I could get used to this. This morning I got up early and recharged my laptop at our new house. It is located about 500 meters down the road that goes past our camp, just up and over a little hill and next to the cowshed where the cows are milked every morning. We are compiling a list of things that need to be fixed, materials and tools we will need, and figuring out where everything will go. Uddhava is planning to come own from Mexico City and visit on Thursday. He will bring as much stuff as he can cram into his little VW, then later send a truck with our furniture and the rest of our stuff. Then he will be camping out in his house in DF until he can join us.

I am already planning the website for the Ayurveda Institute. I think it will be called simply Catemaco Ayurveda Institute, or Instituto Ayurveda de Catemaco in Spanish. We will offer healing water from Las Margaritas Spring through Internet stores on Amazon, Yahoo and eBay. We also will plant a lot of Tulasi, and offer the leaves and extracts as products. Tulasi is increasing in reputation and popularity as a medicinal herb. As devotees, we should be in the forefront of providing Tulasi and educating people in her proper use. We will have plots of Tulasi down at the campsite near the lake, an also at the house.

I am also looking forward to working on music, both for healing and just for fun. Uddhava has discovered sampling software that will enable us to program music in the Vedic harmonic scales, so we can finally do complex orchestral arrangements using the actual Vedic harmonic system. I have been waiting many years for this facility! Now I can implement the music that I can hear in my head, but have been unable to realize until now because of the limitations of the available tools. 

Tuesday, March 18

Windy again! At least it is out of the south, not right in our face from the north like the first few days here. The wind gusted all night long, and this morning anything movable was not where we left it the night before. And we are comparatively in the wind shadow of the hills; out on the lake it's so choppy, no fishermen are out this morning. Today we'll check the forecast; there could be a storm brewing.

Yesterday Reyes came and constructed a more permanent latrine for our camp. With only a shovel, machete and axe, some local materials and some rope, in an hour or two he put together a robust structure that will meet our needs for the rest of the season. It may look funky in the pictures, but it is actually very neat, clean and strong.

Uddhava wrote me that some of our readers do not consider what we are doing to be 'real.' Well let me tell you, it's not only real, it's sustainable and the way we will be living from now on. For example, yesterday over lunch we got into a conversation with Reyes about herbs and herbal healing. It turns out his sister is a curandera who has been studying the local herbal wisdom from childhood. So over the course of an hour, we put together a business deal that is basically a technology exchange; we will supply a cold extraction press and Internet marketing expertise, and they will supply the manufacturing labor and herbology expertise. We will sell extracts of locally grown herbs and the knowledge of how to use them and share the profits. There will also be some cooperative agriculture involved. We will negotiate more details when Uddhava is here this weekend.

This rural community is open to our students who want a retreat from the illusion of Western materialism. You just have to make the arrangements through Uddhava or myself, and you can spend some quality time in our rural spiritual eco-community for a very affordable donation. You will get a chance to live in a beautiful and pure place, access to healing water, herbs and techniques, spiritual instruction and support, and the personal association of elevated souls. Soon we will be getting satellite Internet and will be back in regular touch, including weekly video classes and Satsangs. Come down to Mexico and get involved! Conor will be here at the end of March, and Solus is coming sometime too. Now that we're established, we can host up to ten guests simultaneously, beginning any time.

Part 4

Wednesday, March 19

We went to town today, picking up supplies for our new house/office and posting stuff on the Internet. We went to an amazing hardware store in San Andreas Tuxtlas that crams a whole Home Depot into a space the size of a small apartment or townhouse. Mostly we got electrical parts for outfitting the house as an office, adding outlets and fixing the lights. The whole thing set us back only about US$70, which is pretty cheap considering the amount of stuff we got: four ceiling light fixtures and boxes, outlet boxes and fittings, wire and hardware, a new door latch, extra fuses, high-efficiency light bulbs, electrical tools, etc. 

The weather is cooler and breezy today, and I think a front is moving in. The forecast says it will be cloudy today and clearing over the weekend, but next week there will be several days of heavy rain. I think after fixing up the house a little, we will move in, at least during the bad weather. Camping in the rain is a drag, if only because we have to spend so much time in the tents when it rains. Plus the tents can get mildew if not properly dried out after the storm.

I am going through a heavy Saturn transit, the second of a series of three oppositions of transiting Saturn to my natal Sun. My Sun is in the 12th house, so it is a bit weak anyway, and Saturn just adds a big load of resistance to my health and work energy. But at least it makes me want to write. The last time I had this transit back in November, I did the whole Vedic Astrology and BPHS course in two weeks. So for the next two weeks or so, I will just spend a lot of time sitting in the house, working on the new Catemaco Ayurvedic Institute website. Of course I will give the Esoteric Teaching students a sneak preview before the site launches. I want to get your blessings, and also your comments. 

Later in the day the wind quieted down, and the evening is nice and peaceful. We moved the kitchen from the lakeside retreat camp to the new house in anticipation of Uddhava's visit tomorrow. I cooked up a delicious pasta dish with a lentil-tomato sauce. We ate it with tortillas that we bought fresh and hot from a store in Catemaco. The same place delivers to Las Margaritas every morning. Florian stands out on the road and meets the driver, and buys a stack of fresh-made tortillas for our cooking that day. 

For Marjan:

ahaṁ sarvasya prabhavo
mattaḥ sarvaṁ pravartate
iti matvā bhajante māṁ
budhā bhāva-samanvitāḥ

"I am the source of all spiritual and material worlds. Everything emanates from Me. The wise who know this perfectly engage in My devotional service and worship Me with all their hearts." [Bhagavad-gita 10.8]

PURPORT

A learned scholar who has studied the Vedas perfectly and has information from authorities like Lord Caitanya and who knows how to apply these teachings can understand that Kṛṣṇa is the origin of everything in both the material and spiritual worlds, and because he knows this perfectly he becomes firmly fixed in the devotional service of the Supreme Lord. He can never be deviated by any amount of nonsensical commentaries or by fools. All Vedic literature agrees that Kṛṣṇa is the source of Brahmā, Śiva and all other demigods. In the Atharva-veda it is said, yo brahmāṇaṁ vidadhāti: pūrvaṁ yo vai vedāṁś ca gāpayati sma kṛṣṇaḥ: "It was Kṛṣṇa who in the beginning instructed Brahmā in Vedic knowledge and who disseminated Vedic knowledge in the past." Then again it is said, atha puruṣo ha vai nārāyaṇo 'kāmayata prajāḥ sṛjeya ity upakramya: "Then the Supreme Personality Nārāyaṇa desired to create living entities." Again it is said:

nārāyaṇād brahmā jāyate, nārāyaṇād prajāpatiḥ prajāyate, nārāyaṇād indro jāyate, nārāyaṇād aṣṭau vasavo jāyante, nārāyaṇād ekādaśa rudrā jāyante, nārāyaṇād dvādaśādityāḥ.

"From Nārāyaṇa, Brahmā is born, and from Nārāyaṇa, the patriarchs are also born. From Nārāyaṇa, Indra is born, from Nārāyaṇa the eight Vasus are born, from Nārāyaṇa the eleven Rudras are born, from Nārāyaṇa the twelve Ādityas are born."

It is said in the same Vedas: brahmaṇyo devakī-putraḥ: "The son of Devakī, Kṛṣṇa, is the Supreme Personality." Then it is said:

eko vai nārāyaṇa āsīn na brahmā na īśāno nāpo nāgni samau neme
dyāv-āpṛthivī na nakṣatrāṇi na sūryaḥ sa ekākī na ramate tasya
dhyānāntaḥ sthasya yatra chāndogaiḥ kriyamāṇāṣṭakādi-saṁjñakā
stuti-stomaḥ stomam ucyate.

"In the beginning of the creation there was only the Supreme Personality Nārāyaṇa. There was no Brahmā, no Śiva, no fire, no moon, no stars in the sky, no sun. There was only Kṛṣṇa, who creates all and enjoys all."

In the many Purāṇas it is said that Lord Śiva was born from the highest, the Supreme Lord Kṛṣṇa, and the Vedas say that it is the Supreme Lord, the creator of Brahmā and Śiva, who is to be worshiped. In the Mokṣa-dharma Kṛṣṇa also says, prajāpatiṁ ca rudraṁ cāpy aham eva sṛjāmi vai tau hi māṁ na vijānīto mama māyā-vimohitau. "The patriarchs, Śiva and others are created by Me, though they do not know that they are created by Me because they are deluded by My illusory energy." In Varāha Purāṇa it is also said, nārāyaṇaḥ paro devas tasmāj jātaś caturmukhaḥ tasmād rudro 'bhavad devaḥ sa ca sarvajñatāṁ gataḥ. "Nārāyaṇa is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and from Him Brahmā was born, from whom Śiva was born."

Thursday, March 20

Cool and breezy today; taking morning bath at dawn in the lake was definitely stimulating! But austerities aside, being here is already helping to improve my health. I feel much more alert, energetic and pure. My sense of smell especially is improving dramatically. After living in the city for over a year, it had become dull and my nasal passages were occluded. Every morning I had to clear the mucous by flushing my sinuses with warm salty water. Now, my sense of smell is very sharp and clear; I can smell flowers for a hundred meters downwind. 

Getting ready for Uddhava's visit, I see that tomorrow is Gaura-Purnima: Lord Caitanya's Appearance Day. This is a very auspicious occasion. Their Lordships Gaura-Nitai are appearing here, and it is the beginning of the Gaudiya Vaisnava year. So anything that we create or negotiate tomorrow will be very auspicious. This is all Krsna's arrangement; it's not like we sat looking at the calendar and planned it this way. So we see Krsna's influence and activities all around us. His activities and arrangements have the distinctive quality that they are all-perfect. No human intelligence could make such nice arrangements. 

Our most merciful Deities, Sri-Sri Gaura-Nitai. Click picture to download full-size.

This morning I finished transcribing the three videos of the first session of Healing the Soul: the Essence of Ayurveda. I will also make a separate post to notify everyone. All our students should review the videos and transcripts. This material is fundamental to the work we are doing now with the Ayurveda Institute. 

Uddhava Prabhu arrived early, about 1 PM. We were busy cleaning the whole house by throwing buckets of water on the ceiling, walls and floor. Then we used the mop and squeegee to push the water out the door into the yard, where it quickly disappeared into the earth. He just showed up at the house and walked in the door, and we were completely surprised. Uddhava brought a carload of stuff with him, and we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening showing him around, taking prasadam and setting up the house.

Friday, March 21

I woke up at 4 AM with lower back pain, which is unusual these days. I must have thrown out my sacroiliac joint last night and didn't notice it. I did some exercises and put it back into alignment. After a cold swim in the lake, it felt weak but no more pain. This morning was cool, about 57 degrees F, and windy. We worked on the house all day, completely overhauling the electrical system, preparing for setting up our office here. We worked hard, got it all done by 3 PM and took another swim. Then we cooked up some delicious rice, dahl and vegetable prasadam and ate it with fresh corn tortillas. We ate with relish after all that work! 

Now I am ready to just kick back in my tent by the lake, get up early tomorrow and install the Deities of Gaura-Nitai. Actually today is Gaura-Purnima, but we didn't get the house work done in time to set up the Deities. So we will celebrate Gaura-Purnima tomorrow. We will make a video of our ceremony and share it with you all. 

This rural life is so nice. It is quiet, so quiet we can hear the nuances of music much more clearly. Most people are so conditioned to the mode of passion that the deep silence here, the enforced contemplation, would drive them nuts. There are only natural sounds, like the birds, the wind and the water. Occasionally a car drives by, but we scarcely notice, because it can hardly touch the deep stillness that pervades our place. As I once wrote about New Talavan, you have to like yourself, and be very comfortable with yourself, to live happily in the countryside. Especially here, where we are on the edge of a huge wilderness area, you can feel an ancient vibe of peaceful energy. There has been a lot of contemplation here by generations of shamans. That really makes a difference in the feeling of a place. The energy here reminds me of holy places in India where I stayed. 

The soul who contemplates the nature of his own consciousness is naturally happy. It is a mystery, never understood, only experienced and explored, but ever-fresh and ever refreshing. When the consciousness is focused on a transcendental object, even its own self, it automatically becomes saturated with transcendental pleasure. What need is there for sense gratification when pleasure is intrinsic to one's own spiritual nature? So I go now to settle deep in the peaceful darkness and fold my soul into itself.

Saturday, March 22

Warmer today, with no wind. Uddhava slept in the house while Florian and I went to the lake camp. We all slept late, lazy after yesterday's work-a-thon. But it's all good. This morning Uddhava met the man who owns the cows next door and found out all about the local milk business. A lot of people here keep cows. All the milk not used locally, about 90% of production, is sold cooperatively to the cheese maker in the next village for MX$3.50 per liter. At 11 pesos to the dollar, that is an absurdly low price for fresh whole, mostly organic milk. We spent breakfast time drinking fresh milk, talking about milk, and making sweet rice that we will offer later to Gaura-Nitai. 

Milk is very precious; as Srila Prabhupada wrote:

"...as soon as Mahārāja Pariksit saw that a lower-class man in the dress of a king was hurting the legs of a cow and a bull, at once he arrested and punished him. The king cannot tolerate insults to the most important animal, the cow, nor can he tolerate disrespect for the most important man, the brāhmana. Human civilization means to advance the cause of brahminical culture, and to maintain it, cow protection is essential. There is a miracle in milk, for it contains all the necessary vitamins to sustain human physiological conditions for higher achievements. Brahminical culture can advance only when man is educated to develop the quality of goodness, and for this there is a prime necessity of food prepared with milk, fruits and grains." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.16.4 Purport]

As an intelligent devotee, Uddhava immediately saw the opportunity to help the village cow-protection program by creating new businesses based on the production of milk. We can combine the natural local products—healing water, local medicinal herbs and fresh milk—into thousands of healthy food products. When these are offered to the Lord and empowered with mantras, they create foods that nourish the finer spiritual intelligence of all human beings. So by Krsna's arrangement, we have found ourselves in a cowherd village with a milk-based economy. Even the old cows that can't give milk anymore are not slaughtered; they are kept in a spare piece of land in the back of the village. No wonder the people are so mellow and happy.

Tebanca Internet Cafe

Around noon we went out shooting video with the nice Sony camera. It produces much higher quality footage than the little Canon camcorder. Got some great shots of the lake and the surrounding area. Uddhava found a new Internet place nearby, much closer than in Catemaco. This will make it feasible to be online much more often than once or twice a week. We will also check the bandwidth and see if it is possible to upload video. Soon we will be getting a satellite Internet connection of our own, and will be in daily contact just like before.

I took Uddhava to the cascade, and he helped me to fill the water container from the falls. He was astonished to see the beauty of the place. We took some video and then went in the water to fill the bottles. At first he was yelling and whooping from the cold, but once he got used to it he was OK. Later today we will offer them to Sri-Sri Gaura-Nitai and chant a nice long kirtan to empower them. I am going to fill some small bottles with spring water and send them back to DF with Uddhava. Devotees who make a donation or contribution to our ashram fund can get them as a premium and a token of our appreciation. 

The more I am here and the more we discover about what the area has to offer, the more satisfied and happy I am that we chose this place. There is a lot of natural value here that we can engage in devotional service, and we can also help the community economically by teaching them new Internet-based business models. It is a kind of technology exchange: they know the earth and the values of natural living, and we can show them how to reach a better market with their produce. 

So we are very happy living a transcendental life in the deep back country of Mexico. It is much better to live simply, austerely, close to the land and nature, than to have unlimited facility for sense gratification in the sinful, polluted city. I am very grateful to all my students and disciples, especially Uddhava, Neville, Conor and Florian, for their dedicated service and kind donations for making this ashram project possible. May they continue to make great spiritual advancement in love of Godhead by their sincere service. 

Beautiful view from the hills above Lake Catemaco. Click picture to download full-size original.

Sunday, March 23

Today I got up early before sunrise to see Uddhava off on his journey back to DF (Distrito Federal, or Mexico City). But he wasn't quite ready to go because he wanted to make a deal with the cowherd man next door for regular milk. We will get 2 liters of fresh organic milk, right from the cow, daily for 10 pesos: about one US dollar. So I took bath in the lake, chanted and played with the Lion until he was ready to leave. Weather today is optimal; clear, still and warm. There was overcast at sunset last night, but no sign of the rain that is forecast for later this week. So we get a nice Easter Sunday to herald the beginning of Spring. 

bṛhat-sāma tathā sāmnāṁ
gāyatrī chandasām aham
māsānāṁ mārga-śīrṣo 'ham
ṛtūnāṁ kusumākaraḥ

"Of hymns I am the Bṛhat-sāma sung to the Lord Indra, and of poetry I am the Gāyatrī verse, sung daily by brāhmaṇas. Of months I am November and December, and of seasons I am flower-bearing spring." [Bhagavad-gita 10.35]

During Uddhava's visit we had a lot of discussion about the economic situation, and how we can establish web-based businesses to improve both the local economy and our ashram's situation. I think that among Uddhava's managerial talents, Florian's training in economics and my web-design skills, we can get something nice going here. I am also looking forward to having more of our students visit, now that we are established here. Conor is coming to DF in a week at the end of March; then once he is a little settled, Uddhava will send him in a truck with our furniture and the rest of our things. Solus is going to visit one of these days, and Neville is planning to come too, later in the year.

I moved all my stuff into the house today, and will stay here for the next couple of weeks during my Saturn opposition Sun transit. Florian and I had sweet rice cooked in fresh milk for breakfast. It was delicious, only it was a little difficult to digest. The milkman actually warned us not to take too much because it is so heavy with milk fat. It hit me so hard I found myself half-asleep, staring blankly at the computer screen. So I had a little nap, got up around noon and felt refreshed. Then we went swimming in the cascade, which was even more refreshing. There is so much energy in that water! 

Now we're making cheese from the other half of the milk we got this morning. I will cook cauliflower and potatoes with rice, plus we have a kilo of fresh tortillas from this morning. The milk is brought to a boil three times, and on the third boil, we add the juice of two very sour tangerines. Then the cheese and whey are filtered through a cloth; the cheese is pressed to remove the remaining fluid. Then you can fry it or do whatever you like, and it's just delicious. We may be living in humble circumstances, but we sure eat like kings. I think it really helps to have nice prasadam, because we are all conditioned to sense gratification; so I always try to make a nice variety of preparations. 

4 PM: Now some low clouds are moving in, and the breeze is freshening; it looks and feels like rain. If we get the heavy rain that was forecast, we will just hole up in the house. There is plenty of computer stuff to do, and still more work to finish setting up the house. I want to edit some of the video we took, and try out some musical ideas that have been bouncing around in my head. Plus I am working on the first draft of the Catemaco Ayurveda site. That and our normal devotional service is plenty to occupy us for a few rainy days. 

Monday, March 24

6 AM: I passed out early last night and got up well before dawn. No rain yet, although it's cloudy but warm; the overnight low was about 18°C. The village is waking up all around me; the atmosphere is redolent with the scents of horses and cows, and the sounds of roosters having their morning crowing contest, the cries of the lake birds in the background. One day this week I will go down to the ecotourist place near the water, and record the morning bird symphony in glorious stereo. Although there already is a pretty good recording on the video that I took the first morning we were here and Uddhava has, I hope, posted on the site by now. 

Last night in a dream I was discussing politics with an ISKCON leader. Although he was a sannyasi dressed in saffron robes, he wanted me to give up following Srila Prabhupada and follow the GBC. At that point I withdrew from the discussion, because what he was saying was absurd: the very foundation of ISKCON is following Srila Prabhupada, and the lie of ISKCON politics is that they say they are following him, while the reality is that they are doing only what is good for themselves, as they perceive it. Religious politics is an oxymoron (self-contradictory expression or statement). Real religion is based on truth, and politics is always based on a lie. The lie is that the leaders will make decisions that benefit the members; in reality, the leaders' decisions are made to benefit only themselves. Then they spin it so it sounds like it's beneficial for the members, but that lie can't change the bad result of a bad decision. 

The result is that ISKCON, which Srila Prabhupada brought to such a high place by his personal spiritual prowess, has been descending steadily since his departure from this world. Soon it will be nothing but an ordinary church, with lots of money but no real spiritual potency. All this is due to the mediocre quality of the leadership, which has consistently tried to usurp Srila Prabhupada's policies since the beginning. Srila Prabhupada wanted sastric examinations for leaders and gurus; he wanted democratic controls on the executive committee; he wanted a Society dedicated to the benefit of the congregation, therefore he wanted the leaders were to serve the members, not the other way around. It has become such a bass-ackward mess because the leadership is contaminated by the mode of passion; they want to enjoy, not to serve. They have deviated from the truth, and because of that, Srila Prabhupada has cursed them to again become very insignificant.

asataḥ śrī-madāndhasya
dāridryaṁ param añjanam
ātmaupamyena bhūtāni
daridraḥ param īkṣate

"Atheistic fools and rascals who are very much proud of wealth fail to see things as they are. Therefore, returning them to poverty is the proper ointment for their eyes so they may see things as they are. At least a poverty-stricken man can realize how painful poverty is, and therefore he will not want others to be in a painful condition like his own." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.10.13]

PURPORT

In this connection there is an instructive story called punar mūṣiko bhava, "Again Become a Mouse." A mouse was very much harassed by a cat, and therefore the mouse approached a saintly person to request to become a cat. When the mouse became a cat, he was harassed by a dog, and then when he became a dog, he was harassed by a tiger. But when he became a tiger, he stared at the saintly person, and when the saintly person asked him, "What do you want?" the tiger said, "I want to eat you." Then the saintly person cursed him, saying, "May you again become a mouse." 

Srila Prabhupada took insignificant hippies and ordinary rascals and elevated them to the transcendental platform of existence, making them wealthy and powerful like tigers. But then, instead of being grateful and humble, they became proud and turned on him, attempting to usurp his assets for their own enjoyment. Only a fool will be ungrateful to the kind man who attempts to save him from his own foolishness. Thus they have been cursed: "Again become mouse." 

This morning I got all inspired and created a label for our spring water. I printed up some samples and stuck them on the 250-ml. spray bottles that Uddhava brought from DF. The result looks pretty good; if it were printed in color, it would be downright perfeshinel, dontcha know. Next time we go into Catemaco, I am going to send a sample to all our current donors. 

1 PM: It did rain a bit this morning, but then cleared a little and got nice, 24°C. Just right, a little breeze and not too hot. Today after lunch we will go into Tebanca, a nearby village and visit the cyber-café. Oops, it's a rainy day and the cyber-café is closed. With satellite Internet, when it's raining you can't get a signal. So why bother to open if the customers can't surf? Oh well, maybe mañana. Plenty of other stuff to do, like transcribe the next session of the Ayurveda workshop.

Part 5

Tuesday, March 25

Woke up nice and early again to clear skies and warming temperatures. Today was a go-to-town day, and the first thing after breakfast (whole-milk sweet rice again—I could get used to this!) we checked out the new Internet café in Tebanca. It's a lot nicer, cleaner and quieter than the one in Catemaco, but a bit more expensive. As usual I had about a zillion emails. OK, 96 to be exact. When you answer them daily it's not a burden, but seeing them all stacked up like that is daunting. And I am hopelessly behind on the Forums and YouTube comments. 

I continued transcribing the Ayurveda seminar videos last night and this morning. There is a problem with the Healing the Soul web page on our site: it's missing. Something must have gone wrong with the FTP session the last time I uploaded the page, at the Internet place in Catemaco. I'll fix it the next time I go online, which will be in a couple of days. It's great to have Internet access right in the next village instead of a one-hour drive away. So now we only have to go into town once a week, if that, for necessities. And as we get more set up, even that will become more infrequent.

Today we found a store in Catemaco with local-grown produce at very reasonable prices. You really can tell the difference in quality between the local garden vegetables and the corporate-grown, genetically-modified, gas-ripened stuff you get at Wal-Mart. We feasted on yellow mung-dahl, garden-grown cilantro and chard with Basmati rice and fresh-made tortillas, with fresh whole milk and local honey for dessert. We also got some nice local-grown tomatoes, so tomorrow we will have pasta. Boy, this spiritual austerity is tough, but somebody's got to do it! 

Actually most people probably would find our lifestyle impossibly austere. Living in a tent or simple house, getting up before sunrise, taking cold bath in the lake, chanting the same Sanskrit mantras over and over, eating simple vegetarian dishes made with pure organic ingredients, studying and writing about God all the time—most people would find it intolerably austere. But because of our spiritual engagement in devotional service, Krsna consciousness, we find it quite pleasurable, a little adventurous perhaps, like a camping trip, but not really that difficult. As Srila Prabhupada often said, "Virtue is its own reward"; in other words, purity and austerity are subtle pleasures in themselves.

Wednesday, March 26

Foggy and cool this morning, only 13°C but clear and looks like it will warm up nicely later on. Already 15°C by 7 AM, just after sunrise. So today will be very nice.

I wish I could share some details about my internal realizations and intimate relationship with the Lord, but I am afraid that neophytes would misunderstand it as material. Also, well-meaning students might try to imitate my particular relationship instead of realizing their own for themselves. It's like when they show a particularly foolhardy stunt on TV and warn, "Don't try this at home, kids," knowing full well that the little rascals will imitate.

So maybe it's not a good idea to mention such confidential topics. But I can say that the love relationship between the soul and Supersoul is the most perfect, satisfying and pure experience that I have ever had. There is simply no comparison between ordinary human love and God's unlimited, unconditional love. Lord Krsna Himself in His form of Lord Caitanya is teaching us how to love Him, and if we follow Mahaprabhu's example, He reciprocates in great abundance. Prabhupada said,

[There are] ten directions. Eight direction, corner, and northeast, east-west, and up and down. So everywhere He is present. So Kṛṣṇa has got ten hands. So my father used to say, "When Kṛṣṇa takes your money or possession in ten hands, how you can protect it with two hands? And when He gives you in ten hands, how much you can take in two hands?" (laughs) So in my case it has become practical. Everything He has taken in ten hands, and now He is giving in ten hands. (laughter) I am practically experiencing. My Guru Mahārāja ordered me, "You do this." I was trying to save my business, my family, with two hands, and Kṛṣṇa took it in ten hands. And now, after making me beggar, He is giving me, ten hands: "You take as much as you like." [Morning Walk, 2/10/76, Mayapur]

There is a well-known saying in India that "When Krsna likes you, He gives you everything; but when He loves you, He takes everything away." So in my life I have experienced everything, but when my devotional service became mature, for many years I had nothing but my service to His lotus feet and the lotus feet of my guru. Thus I became a wandering beggar. But now He is giving everything, as Prabhupada says, with ten hands. So I would add to this saying that when you love Krsna and He is truly pleased, He gives so much you cannot take it all. 

Generally the devotees of Krsna attain liberation from material existence. So it is understood that in the process, one will lose everything material. The materialistic people in India are very much afraid of this, so they worship devatas like Indra, Siva, Durga and Ganesh who give material blessings, instead of Krsna. But when one is bereft of material possessions one is forced to develop spiritually, because there is nothing else one can do. So if a person is intelligent, understanding the value of spiritual life, then when Krsna takes everything away, rather than struggle to regain his material position, he takes advantage of the situation to concentrate on spiritual progress. 

atha ca tasmād ubhayathāpi hi karmāsminn ātmanaḥ saṁsārāvapanam udāharanti

"Learned scholars and transcendentalists therefore condemn the materialistic path of fruitive activity because it is the original source and breeding ground of material miseries, both in this life and in the next." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.14.23]

PURPORT

Not knowing the value of life, karmīs create situations whereby they suffer in this life and the next. Unfortunately, karmīs are very attached to material sense gratification, and they cannot appreciate the miserable condition of material life, neither in this life nor in the next. Therefore the Vedas enjoin that one should awaken to spiritual consciousness and utilize all his activities to attain the favor of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The Lord Himself says in Bhagavad-gītā 9.27:

yat karoṣi yad aśnāsi
yaj juhoṣi dadāsi yat
yat tapasyasi kaunteya
tat kuruṣva mad-arpaṇam

"O son of Kuntī, all that you do, all that you eat, all that you offer and give away, as well as all austerities that you may perform, should be done as an offering unto Me."

It is possible to perform so many sinful deeds in one human lifetime that due to karmic reaction, one will be trapped in a hellish condition of life for many, many births. Therefore the Lord protects His beloved devotee by restricting him from performing sinful activities that will entangle him in material existence. As soon as all our activities without exception are done as an offering to the Lord in devotional service, material nature cannot affect us, and then the Lord gives all facility to His devotee for use in His devotional service.

But this transcendental facility or abundance is not a cheap thing; it must be earned by a lifetime of dedication in devotional service. The Lord wants to make sure that we are sincere; therefore He will test us with His external potency, Maya, again and again until we finally give up drinking the poison of material life. Once we reach the level of realization where it is impossible to fall down, then Krsna gives His trusted devotee full freedom and abundant facility to expand his devotional service activities. 

I spent most of the day transcribing the Ayurveda videos and made quite a bit of progress, but around 4 PM I went to the waterfall and bathed. I'm always amazed at the amount and quality of energy there. Even though the water is quite cool, when under the waterfall I never feel cold at all. And afterward, I feel like a million bucks. Actually the whole adventure of coming here is worthwhile just for that feeling. What a powerful healing influence!

Thursday, March 27

Well, a very interesting day. First of all the weather was perfect: warm (28°C) and clear, with a nice gentle breeze out of the north. The air was fragrant with spring blossoms. 

We looked at a piece of land for sale near Las Margaritas. It was steep and north-sloping, good for trees but not for herbs. The owner was asking about US$5,000 for one hectare, already planted in coffee, oranges and other fruits. Not really what we're looking for, but after seeing the land the owner took us to his home in the next village, overlooking the lake, with some spectacular views of the countryside. This village is more developed and more cultured than Las Margaritas; the houses there are stuccoed and some, actually painted. Their landscaping is also very nice, with lots of little home gardens.

This family is very much into agriculture and has been practicing organic farming for generations. They showed us their garden, which to the unpracticed city dweller's eye might look like an ordinary forest, but is actually highly cultivated, with a huge compost pile, natural groundwater irrigation and a wide variety of fruits and other trees. We had a long conversation in our halting Spanish about organic farming and the value of organic produce, both for health and economics. Some of the families use chemicals but these men don't believe in it. "Natural is best," they say. They offered us some cilantro out of their kitchen garden, and it was beautiful. They also invited us back to buy vegetables anytime, which we will certainly do next time we need them.

We proposed that the local organic farmers form an organic growers' co-op and get certification, then they can sell their produce for better prices. They know they are getting cheated but don't have the knowledge to correct the situation. I think we can really help them, and the best way is to show the example ourselves. We can plant herbs in the yard behind our house, get organic certification, sell the herbs and show them the prices. That will certainly motivate them to do something similar, especially if we can provide the information on how to do it. So that will be a project for us over the longer term.

Later in the day we decided to explore, and took a little road out the back of the village and up the valley behind it. We had seen from satellite pictures that there were many fields under cultivation back there, and wanted to inquire about renting a field for herbs. Instead, we discovered paradise. God, it was so incredibly beautiful. We drove back in as far as we could, parked El Burro and walked around. We met a man working on his plot of land who told us a little about the area. We walked back up into the hills and found an incredible landscape of volcanic rocks, verdant meadows with peaceful grazing cows, and pure fresh springs welling up out of the ground. It was like a heavenly planet. I've seen similar landscapes on Kauai, but this was even more beautiful. We were just in ecstasy, but of course forgot to bring the camera. I think we will have to go back in a day or two just to take pictures. 

I finished transcribing the Ayurveda videos, and will post the transcriptions and repair the video page next time we get online, tomorrow with any luck. There is a lot of good material on those tapes!

Part 6

Saturday, March 29

Yesterday was another beautiful day. I spent a lot of time transcribing the first San Diego Seminar video, and neglected to write my journal entry until it was too late—so I'm writing about yesterday today. Since transcribing the Ayurveda series, I have seen that there is a lot of value in posting the talks on the site in text format. It can help students who are watching and listening to the video get clarity on exactly what is being said, and it can also stand on its own, especially after editing, and serve as a basis for online courses. 

The funny thing about all the live courses is that, especially in retrospect, it is clear that I am speaking to a very unqualified audience; despite our best efforts, they just weren't getting it. Of all the courses we gave, not one person who attended became a good devotee; this is one of the main factors that moved us to focus on Internet preaching. The main value we got from doing those courses was the videos, which we could then post on the site and on YouTube. I get inspired speaking to a live audience, even if they're not getting it, and so those presentations are really good. On the other hand, it is much more satisfying to do the Sunday Satsangs, where the audience is qualified and really interested. Once we get Internet here, I will be doing a lot more of those live Satsang programs.

Speaking of which, last night we went into Tebanca (which is quite a scene, with a cantina and various stores, including the area tortillería) and got online, and I was able to chat with Uddhava. Conor arrives today. Uddhava will send him out in a hired truck with all our furniture and computer gear next weekend. So finally we will be completely equipped and set up out here, and especially I will have a dedicated PC musical composition system with all my favorite programs. There is also a possibility that we will be able to buy a used HughesNet satellite Internet system from the Tebanca cyber-café. Uddhava is negotiating the deal, and we should know soon whether it will work out.

There is a possibility that my long-lost son Brion will join us. He emailed me saying that he lost his job and is getting kicked out of his place. Again. Maya has been kicking him really hard. The last time I saw him was when I retired in 2001; I visited him on my way out the the West Coast and Hawaii. I spent a week at his place in Waco, and we got along great. But he has had problems with women, drugs and rock'n'roll—literally—he was the lead singer in a metal band for awhile, so you can imagine what his lifestyle was like. More recently he has been doing Christian music, so that's quite an improvement. He does have some taste for spiritual life, but I have reservations about having him here because of his past. Nevertheless, he seems to be sincere—or maybe just desperate enough to take shelter of his mad monk dad. So I told him about all the rules we follow, and if he agrees then I'm willing to give him a chance. 

Today is another perfect day; it looks like Spring is here to stay. At 8:30 AM it is already 25°C outside. Yesterday it got nice and hot, and by 3 PM I was ready for the cascade. So we took the water bottles and hiked up to the falls. No sooner did I get them filled, standing under the raging torrent, when a Mexican couple arrived, obviously tourists from the city, with their guide. You can always tell by their silly straw hats, which are supposed to be rural, but nobody actually from here would be caught dead wearing them. They were, like, completely shocked that I was in the waterfall. Their mentality is "Look but don't touch." Later we saw them sitting on the beach by the lake; they didn't go in the water there, either. I mean, as soon as we got here, even though it was cold and stormy, the first thing we did was go into the beautiful, yummy high-energy water. Go figure.

I am a madman, intoxicated by God. When I sit, surrounded by God's beauty, I cannot even think. I am just overwhelmed by His sweetness and intoxicated by His love. First thing in the morning, before sunrise, He bathes me in His transcendental affection, and my mind is stunned; I cannot move or speak. Time flows slowly and gracefully by, and I know there are so many things I should be doing; but He has made me a fool, dumb and incompetent. All I can do is sit in amazement and contemplate His wonderful qualities, exalted activities and excellent character. 

Why would anyone sane take shelter of such a madman? How then can I do my duty of preaching and saving people from the slaughterhouse of the material world? Yet somehow the work goes on by the mercy of my students and disciples. I am just a crazy, useless old man, but somehow they love me and keep me far from all anxiety. Therefore I am very much obliged to them, and I simply wish that the highest grace of God may manifest in their hearts, as it has in mine.

Sunday, March 30

Another beautiful day in paradise: we had to take out mud-wasps' nests in the house and outhouse; an old wooden chest that came with the house turned out to be infested with roaches, so we had to take it out and burn it; the water system is a total hack and needs an overhaul similar to the one we gave the electrical system last week; and worst of all, it's getting so hot that we need to buy a refrigerator so our vegetables won't spoil. Next week Uddhava is sending down all our furniture and studio equipment, and I will have to pay the movers a big slice of our remaining cash. So much for living the simple life in Eden...

It reminds me of the story about the sadhu who learned Bhagavad-gita from his guru. The guru sent him to a small village to preach, and his only possession was his copy of Bhagavad-gita. He kept his Gita in a tree next to the river where he stayed. Soon, however, he noticed that a mouse was eating his Gita. So on the advice of a neighbor, he got a cat. Next thing, he needed milk to feed the cat, so he got a cow, Then he needed help to take care of the cow, so he got married... A few years later his guru came to see how his disciple was doing. He found a big farm with a huge house, many women, children and animals. The guru asked him, "So how are you preaching Bhagavad-gita?" His disciple answered, "Who has time to read Bhagavad-gita?" 

Well it's not that bad—actually we still have lots of time for chanting, study and preaching—but we sure are looking forward to having Conor here to help out with various projects and chores. Florian has been very helpful, even more than I could have imagined, but it's time for him to engage more in spiritual work and preaching. He has an idea to translate some of our material into German and start a European branch of the Esoteric Teaching school. I am encouraging him, because this is something I desire very much. The German-speaking population in Europe is numerous, well-educated and affluent. They have the intelligence and background to engage in philosophical research into the Absolute Truth. So we are planning to establish a German-language site with a European URL designation, specifically for that public. We also plan to overdub the 2012: Matrix Singularity video with a German narration. Fortunately I still have all the production files, so all we have to do is transcribe the narration, translate it into German and record it. Once we post it on the German YouTube, the site will promote itself will very little effort. Eventually we want to establish preaching centers and an eco-community in Europe. 

I finally finished transcribing Part 1 of the San Diego Seminar. This material will be very valuable, especially when it's edited and polished up with illustrations, etc. and made into a course. Now only 5 parts to go! There is so much transcription work to do; actually all the video courses should be transcribed. I don't think I'll ever catch up. Would anyone like to volunteer to transcribe some of their favorite videos? You can email your transcriptions to me for review, editing and posting. 

Monday, March 31

Today was a major "go to town and take care of stuff" day. We left early and went into San Andres Tuxtla, bought a refrigerator at Wal-Mart, picked up plumbing parts and other supplies, drove home, unloaded everything, finally fixed the water leaks, and found the kitchen infested with ants. Which is very strange, because at the camp we never had any problems with ants going after our food. There, they just seem to prefer the leaves of certain trees, which they attack in huge columns at night with thousands of worker ants. You have to be a bit careful when walking around at night, not to step too near the column, which is like an ant freeway cut through the underbrush, or the soldier ants will attack you. Otherwise they left us alone. Florian took some amazing video of these ants that we may post later on. 

Anyway, then we went to see the father of the man who offered to sell us land, and also to buy vegetables from their well-maintained organic garden. We had promised him some information about how to apply for organic certification. They want to improve their village church, and we gave them the idea that they could sell their milk, fruit and vegetables for a better price by certifying their fields for organic produce. But the Internet place in the next village was closed today, so we were unable to get the information. Nevertheless we thought that we should visit him anyway, just because we said that we would.

The good news in all this activity is that except for the stuff arriving from DF along with Conor on Saturday, we are finally all set up, both at the camp and the house. Maybe now we can settle down to sadhana and preaching. Uddhava is working on getting the satellite Internet system, and we should be back online every day soon. From what we hear, the rest of the world is still out there, though you would never know it sitting here! I am looking forward to being in better communication with my students, and as always, we have lots of new ideas for preaching. Actually as I was telling Florian the other evening, I have so much inspiration from Krsna that I could easily keep a staff of 10-12 administrators, writers, translators, editors, programmers, artists, animators, video editors and web designers busy full time. 

Well, spring weather has settled in, and every day is gorgeous, clear and hot. But the breeze at our campsite down near the lake is very pleasant, and we enjoy swimming whenever it gets too hot. The only question is whether to go in the lake or the waterfall... decisions, decisions. 

Tuesday, April 1

Today is a nice and quiet, contemplative day, warm (31°C) and a bit breezy. I can hear the lake roaring in the background as I write this, whipped into whitecaps by the wind. The laziness I have felt the past few days was actually a mood of profound introspection; coming out of it now, I can feel our direction shifting, a subtle change of mood and energy that will actually transform our whole mission. 

We have a center now, a place from which we can address the whole world with our message, and a destination that serious students can travel to for practical training. Florian's inspiration to translate some of our work into German is actually very significant. I think that we will have much more success presenting the Esoteric Teaching of the Vedas to the educated Europeans than we ever had in America or Mexico. The anti-intelliectual trend that has crippled Americans' thinking has not been such a factor in Europe; thus Florian's emphasis will be on philosophy and an appeal to reason and intelligence, which has always actually been my mood. So Florian is translating articles, and I am developing a design template for the site. 

Part 7

Wednesday, April 2

Last night we decided to go into Tebanca and check our email, and I got a message from Uddhava that Conor is coming today! That was certainly a surprise, since we had thought he was not coming until Saturday. He must be fired up to get it together to leave so quickly. Anyway, that was a nice surprise. It will be interesting to see what time he arrives, since the drive from DF is generally at least 8 hours. It took us 10 hours, but we deliberately went slow to conserve fuel. And besides, we were exploring; they will know exactly where to go. So we expect to see him in the afternoon sometime. 

Today being Papamocani Ekadasi, we are fasting from grains and beans. We had a big serving of sweet rice last night, and afterwards I couldn't get to sleep. So I got up kind of late today, but am pushing ahead with transcribing the San Diego Seminar videos. This material is important because it summarizes the whole Vedic Esoteric Teaching system of philosophy very nicely. I was presenting to people who had no idea of the Vedic conception, so I had to give the whole background very concisely in order to explain our ideas. 

Well I finished transcribing Part 2 of the San Diego seminars. It went a lot quicker than Part 1, but Part 3 is really long, over two hours. I also made a great deal of progress on the German website. The design and the basic structure are done, and Florian is translating the articles. We decided to have the material in both German and English. My concentration is really good, and I was able to write for several hours without interruption. I can tell that Krsna really wants this service, because He is giving good inspiration and facility for it. A devotee can accomplish so much more work, and much more efficiently because he is not working for sense gratification. No coffee breaks, for example. 

In the evening we cooked up some delicious Ekadasi prasadam and made extra for Conor, but he never showed up! I guess we'll find out the story tomorrow, or whenever he arrives. After all it's Mexico, so we have to deal with the Mañana-vadis. Their mantra is "No today; maybe mañana." This mantra is pronounced with a fatalistic shrug, indicating that in the face of the impenetrable uncertainty of the universe in general and Mexico in particular, further philosophical inquiry is useless. 

Thursday, April 3

I woke up before dawn as usual, had a nice little talk with my Lion, and then got up to get milk from the cowherd man next door. I found Florian asleep in the other room; he must have stayed up late waiting for Conor and crashed out there. I watered and sprayed our Tulasi plants, who are doing great since I moved them up off the ground. They were being chewed up by some little bugs, but the bugs don't seem to find them when they are up off the ground on our water tank. Anyway I planted a bunch more, and they have sprouted already. They seem to love the soil from the big anthill at our camp. So soon we will have dozens of nice Tulasi plants. 

I got a couple of nice realizations while transcribing the San Diego Seminar videos this morning. One is that the people present just did not get it, even after repeated explanations. For example, they could not understand the difference between material and spiritual, even though I explained it over and over again from many points of view; they kept slipping back into the misunderstanding that material consciousness and activities can be spiritual somehow. And when the rubber finally met the road at the end of the seminar ("Your illicit sex life is material, and it's making you miserable") they got upset. 

The second realization is about my preaching mood. I am not trying so hard to convince people of our philosophy. In fact, I am very laid-back about it: "If you are intelligent enough to understand that you need this, then alright, take it." I do not try to conquer their minds, like Srila Prabhupada did; I am content to simply offer the Esoteric Teaching, and if they see the value, then I will help them to understand it. I am not willing to waste my time trying to convince stupid, sinful, materially attached people of our philosophy. Yes, it is superior to their present understanding; and yes, it would help them immeasurably to improve their lives. But they have to show some appreciation, initiative and intelligence. I am not going to spoon-feed them like little children; they are going to have to use their intelligence and initiative to approach and understand this great Teaching, or they simply are not worthy of it. 

Prabhupada used to say "One good horse is better than a barn full of useless horses." I do not want a lot of stupid disciples that will cause me and others lots of trouble. I want only the most intelligent, motivated and sensitive souls, whose association will be pleasurable and uplifting, even for me. I have already attained the highest good; why should I trouble myself unnecessarily for people who don't even appreciate the value of what I am presenting? We don't need another mass movement like ISKCON, with all its attendant troubles; in the present time and situation we need quality, not quantity. Our mission is to restore the Esoteric Teaching to its original purity and exalted sublimity. The era of artificial Vaisnava organizations is over; they are dinosaurs, doomed to extinction. They are failing because they cannot actually deliver pure Krsna consciousness. The need of the time is for a decentralized network of independent preaching missions, each one headed by a realized soul capable of duplicating and reconstructing the entire Esoteric Teaching independently, if necessary.

I am very indebted to my disciples Uddhava and Florian for their kind service, enabling me to reach out to suffering people all over the world and offer them the opportunity to take shelter in this peaceful village, so much like Vrndavan in India and in the spiritual world. In fact in many ways it's better than Vrndavan in India, because that place has become affected by the sinful activities of many un-self-realized people, and as a result its purity is hard to realize. This place is still so pure that you can drink the water in the streams. This purity makes itself felt in one's consciousness, just as associating with pure devotees, changes one's consciousness toward Krsna. So both kinds of good association are available here. 

We went into town to check our email, and Uddhava informed us that Conor was delayed because the movers had some problems with their truck. So he should arrive here this afternoon—or maybe mañana! (shrug)

Part 8

Friday, April 4

Well, Conor finally showed up about 9 PM last night, in a truck chock-full of stuff sent by Uddhava. The driver was completely freaked out; apparently he's a city boy from DF, and had never been really out in the country. We are really out in the country, like at the end of 20 kilometers of the worst road you have ever seen in your life, surrounded by wilderness. Plus since it's the end of rainy season, the last few days the local boys got ahold of a grader, dump truck and backhoe from the local government, and they have been busy tearing up and resurfacing the dirt road. So there are huge piles of dirt and gravel dumped, in true Mañana-vadi style, right in the middle of the road where they will use them to fill in holes and grade the surface, "maybe tomorrow," or whenever they get around to it. The locals (and El Burro) just drive over them, no problema; but our city-boy driver was actually scared of driving back out alone. He wanted us to guide him out and asked us, "¿Esta peligroso?" ("Is it dangerous?") That gave us a chance to tease him about being attacked by the voracious, man-eating cows that live around here. :-)

Anyway, we all pitched in and unloaded the truck, and now our empty little house isn't so empty anymore! It looks like Uddhava just threw everything in his house into the truck except his bed, clothes and music studio. I'm writing this the next morning while taking a break from unpacking and setting stuff up, and it's like he sent us everything except the kitchen sink. In fact, I wouldn't be too surprised if that was in there someplace too! By the time we get all this stuff set up, by Uddhava Prabhu's mercy we will have a very nice country office/temple/ashram. It will nicely complement the simpler, more austere conditions at the lake camp. Right now Conor's staying in the tent I used to use, but I'm thinking of setting up the big extra tent so all three of us can sleep down there when it gets really hot later on in summer. The breeze down at the lake is soooo nice and cooling. 

I am looking forward to getting everything set up and doing some serious transcendental music. Uddhava sent a high-end PC with the latest Sonar studio software with Kontakt, a very cool sampler/synth plugin that does microtuning, and a nice M-Audio programmable MIDI keyboard. I already have my studio monitors, plus Uddhava sent a very nice electrostatic studio microphone for vocals. My end of the bargain is to make good use of them and create some very far-out Vedic music; so we'll see what forms my inspiration takes. My first task is to review the Vedic music system summarized in my thesis Sapta Svarah; then I want to explore some unusual Vedic tonalities and strict intonations. But that doesn't mean that it won't sound like Schöenberg, or jazz, or something from another planet altogether...

Well we worked like horses all day setting up everything, moving everything, changing everything and redoing everything in the whole house. We set up the altar in the big main room just like it was in DF, using the old Sunday Satsang backdrop; set up all the Tulasis and other plants outside; moved the kitchen into the second smaller room; assembled my big desk and trimmed the bottom to lower it about 20 centimeters (the better for typing and keyboard work); rearranged my room so that everything miraculously fits, even the big bed with the magnetic mattress that Mother Guadalupe gave me; set up computer workstations for Florian and Conor in the main room; set up a vyasasana in the main room facing the altar; and a million more little details that anyone who has ever moved into a new house is intimately familiar with. Whew! It was a big effort, but now we are really set up and ready to do some nice devotional service. 

Then we took a break, took bath and had a nice feast on spiral pasta with Babaji's patented lentil-tomato sauce, with sweet rice made from fresh local organic milk, flavored with jasmine blossoms. Then we geeked out for a couple of hours on the computers. I started to set up my new music PC, and it is awesome! The boys went to the local store and picked up some veggies for tomorrow. By 7 PM we were whupped, and went to down to the lake for a swim. There was no moon, and the stars were magnificent. Even through there was a nice breeze, the lake was very still because it was blowing out to sea: very beautiful and cooling. By 8 I was back at the house all alone, in my beautiful silent meditative space with my loving Lion. I will take some pictures of the new setup and post them along with this. Maybe mañana... ;-)

Saturday, April 5

Another beautiful clear hot day. Yesterday I noticed that the high was 34°C, so it's nice and warm. Most of the time I go shirtless, unless I have to go into town for something. But back and forth between the temple and the camp, who cares? Devotional life should be as simple as possible; that way we have more time for service instead of taking care of the body.

Early this morning I bathed Gaura-Nitai and set Them on Their altar in the temple room. Now They look resplendent, even without being dressed. Florian will dress Them and then we will really be all set up. Later on we will do an offering and kirtan to welcome Them to Their new temple. 

Uddhava sent a complete sample library for Kontakt, the new microtonal synthesizer, but I have to burn the files to DVDs to install them. Mac OSX Leopard comes standard with a software utility to do this, but of course, Windows requires an add-on piece of software. For some reason that I cannot understand (otherwise I could fix it), Windows does not recognize the presence of a network when it plugged directly into a Mac via Ethernet. Luckily Uddhava also sent my old backup discs, so I was able to install an old copy of Nero and burn the discs. 

When I finish the installation (which will take several hours because the sample libraries are huge) I will have not only a complete symphonic orchestra at my fingertips, but also many other acoustic and electronic instrument sounds, plus the many gigabytes of sounds that I have collected over the years—all capable of being tuned to any type of Vedic intonation. That will be extremely cool. I already tested the software with the very high-quality Steinway Grand samples, and it sounds wonderful. There are several intonation presets, and I can create more as needed. 

I keep getting the inspiration to create a tutorial on Vedic music. That would give me an excuse to review all that material, something I really need to do anyway, and it would also give us another interesting course. What holds me back is that music is such a vast subject, it would take a lot of time to finish a really complete course. But I keep getting the inspiration from Krsna, and who am I to resist? So you will start to see posts about music soon. Looking through all of my music material, I found the plan for a symphonic presentation of Radha-Krsna's Asta-kaliya-lila: Their eightfold pastimes in Vrndavan. Maybe it is finally time to write and produce this work, which I have planned for so long but never had the tools and situation to accomplish. 

My conclusion about Vedic music is that what really matters, the highest priority, is to hear the Holy Name sung by a pure devotee in love with the Lord. Everything else—the music, arrangement, mood and so on—is just decoration, details. If you listen, you can hear the difference between someone saying "I love you" formally or mechanically, and someone saying it with real sincerity, real feeling. Similarly, you can hear the difference between someone saying, chanting or singing "Hare Krsna" as a religious formality, or as a passionate expression of transcendental love. This quality is what gives Srila Prabhupada's bhajan recordings their incredible transcendental intensity. Of course, it's nice if the accompaniment can be professional quality, but not at all necessary. 

Sunday, April 6

tad-vāg-visargo janatāgha-viplavo
yasmin prati-ślokam abaddhavaty api
nāmāny anantasya yaśo 'ṅkitāni yat
śṛṇvanti gāyanti gṛṇanti sādhavaḥ

"On the other hand, that literature which is full of descriptions of the transcendental glories of the name, fame, forms, pastimes, etc., of the unlimited Supreme Lord is a different creation, full of transcendental words directed toward bringing about a revolution in the impious lives of this world's misdirected civilization. Such transcendental literatures, even though imperfectly composed, are heard, sung and accepted by purified men who are thoroughly honest." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.5.11]

So our music, too, does not have to be perfect in the ordinary sense, but it must be perfect in the transcendental sense: "full of descriptions of the transcendental glories of the name, fame, forms, pastimes, etc., of the unlimited Supreme Lord." In other words, the purpose and intent must be transcendental, and it also must be "full of transcendental words," or the Holy Name of the Lord. 

The first music article is ready, and I will post it in another thread. It's called 32 Vedic Scales, and it opens up a whole world of new tonalities and expression to the knowledgeable composer. In future articles I will show how to build harmonic tonalities and chord progressions from this material. It has always amazed me that musicians do not pay more attention to their raw materials. Would you try to make a painting from just three colors? Of course not; so why are Western musicians content with three scale tonalities (major, minor and dominant)?

Another music article describes the Vrndavan-lila Series of recordings. This was taken from an old website I wrote back in 2004 to promote my spiritual music. Unfortunately the devotees did not appreciate what I was trying to do, and there was no response. I still think this is a good idea, though, and will write more about it later.

The house is coming along nicely; yesterday Conor and Florian made a flower garden with a rock wall filled in with soil. This morning just after sunrise I set out the Chrysanthemum and Margaritas seedlings I had planted weeks ago in DF; by sunset today they had perked up noticeably. This volcanic soil is wonderful! I also planted some new seeds, so Gaura-Nitai will have lots of nice flowers, besides the wildflowers that grow everywhere. They are pretty, but rarely have scent, and scented flowers are preferred for Deity worship. I will try to take pictures of the house before we go to town tomorrow, so I can post them here. 

Part 9

Tuesday, April 8

Well I have been neglecting this Journal over the last few days; I have really been absorbed in setting up my studio and working on music theory and keyboard practice. You can see the results in the recent posts on music, and I am very happy with the progress I am making. These are ideas I originated many years ago, and have wanted to develop, but just did not have the right situation. But now...

I am feeling very much at home here in Las Margaritas. Even though the lifestyle is simple and a bit austere, I much prefer it to city life. And you will not find such beautiful surroundings in many other places on this planet. The hills and trees here are pretty the way a truly beautiful woman is naturally pretty, without effort or artifice. I like having the cows, horses and other animals around; I like their looks, their aroma and their mood. They bring you right down to earth and keep you humble, and that is good for devotees. 

From this perspective, one can see very clearly what is wrong with the current civilization. As we have discussed so many times, the quality of one's consciousness is predicated on the context in which we observe something. Being close to the earth in very pure natural environment provides a context in which it is clear that materialistic civilization is destroying the earth out of selfish greed and envy against God. Here we have the means of survival: plenty of clean water, good soil, animals and knowledge of how to raise crops. The people here are well aware of the value of this extraordinary place, so they take good care of it. What a refreshing contrast to the crassness and sinful ignorance of the cities!

Today one of the local dueños (landowners) sent a man to inquire if we want to rent some land for farming. I guess the word is getting around that are looking for a garden space. We looked at the place, and it is fantastic for growing just about anything; about 1 hectare (2.5 acres) on the flood plain, about 100 meters from the small river that runs through Las Margaritas, with irrigation and fencing, and has never been sprayed with any chemicals. We could plant crops on it, or keep a cow or two. If we like, we can rent it for 200 pesos, about US$20 per month. I think the locals are curious to see what we will do with the land. The next step is to see if we can get organic certification for the field and also research what herbs would grow well there. 

Yesterday we went to town and got a bunch of stuff: a tabletop LP gas stove, gas bottle and accessories, more basins and stuff for washing dishes and clothes, shelf brackets for mounting my studio monitors on the wall at ear level, and the usual food and supplies. We also showed Conor the cool little herb shop we found in the local market in Catemaco. It is buried in the depths of a little market in the midst of a city block in the old part of town, where the locals shop. The best vegetable markets, hardware and other stores are in the same district. Anyway, they have herbal cures for anything that ails you, from the common cold to the common broken heart. They also sell supplies for Santaria and other forms of black magic, so you have to be a little careful not to mess with that stuff, which is usually contaminated with alcohol. But we found some nice fresh Aloe Vera plants, and some excellent jasmine extract in oil that is perfect for cooking and Deity worship. I planted the Aloe next to the front door, and made some sweet rice with fresh local organic milk from the cows next door, Basmati rice, raw cane sugar and this extract that was just mind-meltingly delicious.

Wednesday, April 9

Wow, the time is flying by; every day is beautiful, clear and hot, about 35°C. Once we figured out that keeping the lights off at sunset keeps bugs from going in the house, that solved the bug problem without screens. Sure we could buy some shade cloth and cut it to fit the windows, but that would cut the beautiful breeze that blows in and out from the lake all night. Yesterday we went to the waterfall and filled the water containers; Uddhava sent a new funnel that is much more efficient than the old one, so it went quickly. We had great fun splashing around in the cool waterfall, and got the idea to excavate the pool under the falls so we can immerse ourselves completely.

Today we will go to the Internet place and I will try to post my latest music essay. If I can finish transcribing Part 3 of the San Diego Seminar, I will post that too. Let's see how much I can get done by 10 AM. [later] Well the transcription is taking too much time; I won't be able to finish it today. But I remembered something very significant. 

When I was young, in my twenties, I was a musician and a hippie, involved with all the usual nonsense of youth and material enjoyment. I remember trying to meditate, trying my best to look within but finding only blackness—a sort of velvet curtain that seemed to resist every attempt to penetrate it. I think one of the attractions of the hallucinogenic drug experience is that it makes something—anything—actually happen within us. If we can't penetrate the velvet curtain of material ignorance, at least we can project something entertaining on it, even if it is ultimately meaningless. So people take hallucinogenic drugs in a desperate attempt to fill up their inner life, their inner emptiness, and ascribe great significance to these hallucinations even though they are nonsense, just projections of the mind. 

But now when I look within, there is a rich variety of spiritual experience I can immerse my self in. I have a variety of transcendental relationships with the Lord I can absorb my consciousness in that completely satisfy my heart and soul. Krsna is so loving and affectionate; He is the real Friend that we are all searching for. All this is easily attainable through chanting His Holy Name. So our real interest is to take full shelter of His Holy Name and get the result of transcendental consciousness. That will really satisfy us; all other paths are just meager substitutes for the actual eternal bliss of authentic spiritual consciousness. 

Uddhava even sent the blender with all our stuff last week. So tonight to cool off we made a smoothie with blueberries and yogurt sweetened with honey. Conor spent over an hour taking the pits out of the berries. I can't describe how good it was, but for about half an hour there was absolute silence while we sipped it. Now, that's real prasadam; you don't just eat it, you honor it. Conor's comment was perfect: "Don't just eat it; frame it and hang it on the wall!"

Friday, April 11

The music work is absorbing all my time and attention; I think of it all the time, and it is very satisfying. There are certain questions about the Vedic scale structures that have been on my mind for many years, and only now after establishing our preaching work do I feel free to take the time to sort them out. The scales are proving to be a rich source of alternate tonalities, and I am eager to start working with them in some practical pieces. Last night as I was falling asleep, I got an inspiration for a kirtan of the dvadasaksara-mantra based on an exotic scale,67. Here is the recording.

There are no other names for most of these scales that I have been able to find, so I just use the accidentals relative to the Major scale to describe them. That is easier anyway because it gives a functional description; while playing an instrument or composing a line it is easier to think of a scale as "2#4" than as "Marva Thata." Anyway I also want to experiment with just intonation on this piece, and it will be a perfect laboratory for integrating all the new software and tools, and seeing what they can do. 

The theoretical work has reached the practical stage, and now that I have written all the necessary background, it is very intricate and laborious to combine all the elements into the final product: a chart of all 32 scales, their scale-tone chords, harmonic qualities and values. The work is complex and I keep finding little errors, so I have to go slow and check each section as I complete it. But there is plenty of time out here, and I feel that I have the space to be methodical. After all, once the chart is done, it's done and can be used as a reference. So It's worth taking the time to produce something that will be an inspiration for my work for a long time to come, and hopefully also for others. 

The funny thing is that here I am in this tropical paradise, and I've got two computers going full time, cranking away at all this abstract data. There's nothing in this world more abstract than music theory, which is why I love it. But at the same time music, unlike most math or theoretical physics, has practical application and can bring substantial beauty into our lives. It can also serve as as platform to integrate our physical, emotional, mental-intellectual and even spiritual energies in the chanting of the Holy Name. Try that with string theory!

The amazing thing about this is that here is a piece of work that has occupied me for a substantial fraction of my life, which has embedded in it infinite possibilities for creation of beautiful and profound spiritual art, and it is all derived from two lines of Sanskrit code in Srimad-Bhagavatam:

svarāḥ sapta vihāreṇa
bhavanti sma prajāpateḥ

"Brahmā's sensual activities were manifested as the seven notes of music." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 3.12.47]

Actually just the two words svarāḥ sapta contain the whole system of Vedic music. Once you start investigating the deep implications of the meaning of svarāḥ sapta [seven scale tones based on integral harmonic ratios], the whole musical system just unravels before the mind's eye and one is struck with wonder. All this complex structure and beauty is implied by the Law of Harmonics, which affects every type of energy and every object in the universe. 

I can understand the deep meaning of this particular sloka because I happen to have some training and background as a musician; but I can also understand that there are many profound sciences contained within the slokas of the Bhagavatam and other Vedic works, if we just have the eyes to see them and the intelligence to expand the Sanskrit in which they are encoded. 

Well anyway the new piece, Dvadasaksara, is coming along nicely. After a few hours' work I've got the intro and the first kirtan section drafted, and my God, it's really pretty. All the beauty of this beautiful place is pouring out through the music, and it's very satisfying to hear. Now I will make a little concerto-style development section, and then go into a contrasting kirtan section.

I forgot to mention that the other day when we went to town, we explored a new road that we saw under construction. There's a sign advertising another cascade (waterfall), so we knew it was some kind of tourist place. I put El Burro into 4WD Low and we scurried up that muddy dirt road like it was a freeway. We found a very nice place with cabins and a restaurant. The cabins are first-class, built from local materials, clean and well-managed with a great view of the lake and surrounding countryside, only MX$350 (only about US$35) per night and sleep four in separate single beds. I told them I would recommend their place to our friends and they gave me a stack of brochures, so here I am keeping my word. You can't find a nicer place to stay around here. I will scan the brochure and try to OCR it and post it on the site. Maybe mañana... (shrug)

View of lake and country looking north from the Hotel

[Editor's Note: Here are the scans. Clicking on the brochure pictures will download a full-resolution scan in TIFF format, about 2.6 MB each.]

Beautiful panorama of the country above Las Margaritas. Click on picture to downlaod full-size JPEG.

Saturday, April 12

It's early in the morning, just after sunrise, and I just finished watering and spraying our Tulasi garden. We now have several dozen plants in various stages of growth, and they're doing very well here. Some of the plants had gotten a little burned in our rooftop garden in DF from the intense sunlight, but as soon as they arrived here they greened up and started growing again. There's some little bug that attacks them, but it doesn't seem to do much damage. 

Anyway, every time I serve Tulasi, I help myself to a few leaves and manjari buds. I just informally offer them to Krsna and eat them right on the spot. I think that most devotees make too much of a religious fetish out of Tulasi. They put her on a pedestal (often literally) and worship her from afar. They don't dare take the leaves and buds themselves; those are only for highly ceremonial worship. 

As a result they lose the tremendous health and even spiritual benefits of Tulasi, because the don't take enough. I've seen at several temples where there is a huge greenhouse full of Tulasi plants, and the only devotee who goes in there—or is even allowed in—is the pujari, who timidly picks a few leaves to offer to the Deities. That's alright, but what about the rest of the devotees? Everyone should have the benefit of Tulasi. Besides, it's good for the Tulasi plants to pick the manjari buds before they blossom and go to seed. It helps them conserve energy for growth and makes them nice and bushy. Most devotees tend to over-fertilize Tulasi, and she just gets all leggy (long branches and fewer leaves) and goes to seed early. Sounds like some devotees I know...

From the material point of view, life should not exist at all. For example, just now I was taking apart a papaya to add to some sweet rice for dessert, and inside the papaya there is all this complex structure. Why? Just to generate lots of seeds to make more papayas... From a material perspective, this should not exist. According to the laws of physics, the universe is a heat engine operating according to the principles of thermodynamics. It should gradually run down according to entropy, which destroys complex structures, like when living beings die and their bodies break down into their component elements. Even if you say that the energy to generate complex structures comes from the original energy of the universe, this just begs the question "Where did that original energy come from?" The fact remains that we cannot explain even material phenomena, especially life, by material laws alone. There must a be a spiritual world, spiritual energy, and God; an unlimited source of energy, intelligence and consciousness outside this material world. 

The best argument on this subject comes from information theory. According to the physical theory of thermodynamics, entropy causes an irretrievable loss of information. Instead we see that life in general, and human beings in particular, are becoming more complex and generating more and more information. In fact, if we analyze the information context of the structures of life, there has not been enough time since the accepted date of the creation of the universe to generate such complexity by the process of random mutation, unless the rate of mutation were several orders of magnitude greater than actually observed. This idea is the cornerstone of the Intelligent Design movement, and it is very good. However it does take some intelligence to understand it.

Sunday, April 13

And today's big story (other than it's Rama-Navami, the Appearance Day of Lord Rama): rain! We woke up to a nice little sunrise shower, which started around 5 and seemed finished by 8. Then it started up again, heavy, and was really finished by 10. This is the first rain we have had since moving into the house, and the only leaks are along the floor on the uphill side. They should be relatively simple to fix by deepening the drainage ditch on that side of the house.

Yesterday I transplanted two Tulasi plants from medium to big pots, and two more from seedling beds into their own medium pots. Now we have quite a collection, with four mature almost plants in big pots, six in medium pots and dozens of seedlings coming up. They are very happy with the morning shower. If you pot the Tulasi plants right, there is no root shock or wilt when transplanting them. The secret is to put a layer of pebbles and sand in the bottom of the pot. This not only promotes good drainage, which is important for Tulasi; it also makes it easy to remove the plant from the pot for transplanting without disturbing the root ball, by simply turning the pot upside down, giving it a couple of whacks and it comes right off. 

Yesterday afternoon I was hunting pebbles and soil down by the lakeshore. There is an enormous anthill at the base of a big tree near the lake, and I take soil from there because it's recommended in scripture that soil from an anthill is pure enough even to use as tilak. Tulasi loves it, so I braved the 2.5-cm red warrior ants and shoveled several pots of nice topsoil from their hill. There are also lots of beautiful pebbles rounded by erosion. While there I discovered a layer of peat on the shore, made from composted leaves washed up during winter storms. Nice. Just the thing to lighten up the heavy clay soil, so I dug a big pot of that too. This place is a gardeners' paradise!

Well I was wrong about the rain stopping this morning; it just went ahead and rained all day. It's actually a nice change from the hot, dry weather we've been having. Florian and Conor came up from the lake, or rather I went down and picked them up in El Burro about 3 PM, because it was raining. In fact it's still raining now, the wind billowing all around the house. I will actually need a blanket tonight! Anyway we had a nice feast in honor of Lord Rama's transcendental appearance. We stuffed ourselves with guacamole, kicheri and sweet rice. Then we lolled around on the cushions until we could move again, and I read from Srimad-Bhagavatam Canto 9 Chapters 10 & 11 about Lord Rama's pastimes. 

These narrations are so beautiful, I was struck with wonder, and several times I had to stop reading because I became so ecstatic, my eyes filled with tears and I could not see the page, and my throat became choked up and I lost my voice. Lord Rama's pastimes are full of drama and apparent suffering, but at the same time they are full of transcendental bliss. This seems like a contradiction but it is a fact that anyone can experience by hearing and chanting these pastimes.

Listen, people: give up trying to chase the flickering happiness of this material world. Just immerse yourselves in the narrations of the transcendental pastimes of the Lord, and in time when you become purified by those spiritual sound vibrations, you will become so ecstatic that you will not remember your own name, or whether it is night or day. Nor will you care, because you be overwhelmed with transcendental bliss. This Srimad-Bhagavatam is the real cure for the suffering of material existence.

I also happened across the answer to Neville's recent question about vipralambha: 

"The separation of Lord Rāmacandra from Sītā is spiritually understood as vipralambha, which is an activity of the hlādinī potency of the Supreme Personality of Godhead belonging to the śṛṅgāra-rasa, the mellow of conjugal love in the spiritual world." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 9.10.11 Purport]

The rest of the Purport to this sloka is quite interesting and instructive. So vipralambha is definitely a part of the conjugal pastimes of the Lord; consequently there is no chance of experiencing this exalted transcendental emotion apart from Bhagavan stage of self-realization. 

Part 10

Tuesday, April 14

Today is Kamada Ekadasi. I awoke spontaneously at 3 AM after dreaming about devotees, to a head full of thoughts and heart full of feelings. The rain and wind have stopped, and the night is peaceful and cool (15°C). The silence is deep, dark, and very beautiful. The sky is clear and Jupiter is shining brightly in Sagittarius. The air is fragrant with jasmine and coffee blossoms. I have made myself a steaming of cup of tea, and now I will write what is on my mind.

This Krsna consciousness movement is not a platform for pushing our own agenda; it is a platform for pleasing Krsna through His representative. As soon as we deviate from this purpose, the whole thing becomes a failure. For example, Srila Prabhupada wanted to establish an educational institution for training brahmanas and Vaisnavas to a very high standard. Those who passed the examinations would be authorized to initiate.

"So you have now taken charge of the sunrise of New Vrindaban. Our program is there for constructing seven temples. One Rupanuga Vidyapitha—that is a school for educating brahmanas and Vaisnavas. We have enough of technological and other types of educational institutions, but perhaps there is none where actual brahmanas and Vaisnavas are produced. So we will have to establish an educational institution for that purpose. A first examination will be held sometimes next January on Bhagavad-gita As It Is, and those passing will have the degree of Bhakti-sastri. Next year we will hold an examination on Srimad-Bhagavatam, and the person who passes will have the title Bhakti-vaibhava. And the next year we shall hold an examination on Teachings of Lord Caitanya, Nectar of Devotion and Vedanta Sutra, and those who will successfully pass will be awarded with the title of Bhaktivedanta. By 1975, all of those who have passed all of the above examinations will be specifically empowered to initiate and increase the number of the Krishna Consciousness population." [letter to Kirtanananda, 69-01-12]

Those who say that Srila Prabhupada never authorized his disciples to initiate are wrong—here it is in writing. But he wanted his successor gurus to share his legacy of deep transcendental knowledge. His foolish neophyte disciples didn't want that, so the GBC stopped the plan to hold examinations. They didn't want a society based on transcendental knowledge, but one based on political power. They didn't want a brahminical society; they wanted a church instead. So Krsna granted them their desire, but their desire was inferior to Srila Prabhupada's conception. Therefore because they did not follow his instruction on how to become guru, Srila Prabhupada did not authorize any of his so-called 'prominent disciples' to initiate.

The problem with trying to use the Krsna consciousness movement to implement our own agenda is that our agenda is always inferior to the agenda of Krsna and His bona fide representative. Our desires are small and selfish, and His are grand, and full of love and benediction for all living entities. But we are such fools that we reject Krsna's desire, Krsna's program and insist on getting our own way instead. So Krsna sighs and gives us our foolish desire, and off we go down the wide road to hell. That is the whole story of this sorry material world. 

Just before waking I dreamed that some female devotees were trying to push their feminist agenda, and as usual they were being critical of men. One of them was telling me to do this and that, and I refused, saying "You have a policy of feminism. Well, I have a policy of non-cooperation with those who deviate from Krsna consciousness. So since you think that men are inferior, go get a woman to do it instead." That policy of non-cooperation with rascals has often inconvenienced me, but like any austerity, in the long run it has served me well. Feminism and other politics are on the bodily platform, and Krsna consciousness is on the pure spiritual platform. Let the whole world do whatever they like; I shall continue to follow Srila Prabhupada alone. By refusing to cooperate with those who want to remain on the bodily platform, I have attained the spiritual platform. 

Therefore our branch of the Krsna consciousness movement, the Esoteric Teaching, has remained pure to the purpose of Sriman Mahaprabhu, Lord Caitanya. Right now we are a small and insignificant group, but because we base our program on the same principles of transcendental education advocated by Lord Caitanya and Srila Prabhupada, it shall gradually become the most prominent. Lord Caitanya showed by His personal example the importance of brahminical culture and education. He was a great scholar who taught many students and disciples the brahminical arts and sciences, and because of this He became very famous even before manifesting His devotional pastimes. There is a great lesson in this pastime of the Lord. 

Krsna concludes his list of the items of transcendental knowledge in Bhagavad-gita, 

adhyātma-jñāna-nityatvaṁ
tattva-jñānārtha-darśanam
etaj jñānam iti proktam
ajñānaṁ yad ato 'nyathā

"Accepting the importance of self-realization, and philosophical search for the Absolute Truth—all these I thus declare to be knowledge, and what is contrary to these is ignorance." [Bhagavad-gita 13.12]

Srila Prabhupada comments in the Purport:

"This process of knowledge is sometimes misunderstood by less intelligent men as being the interaction of the field of activity. [In other words, empirical research.] But actually this is the real process of knowledge. If one accepts this process, then the possibility of approaching the Absolute Truth exists. This is not the interaction of the tenfold elements, as described before; this is actually the means to get out of it. Of all the descriptions of the process of knowledge, the most important point is described in the first line of the tenth verse: The process of knowledge terminates in unalloyed devotional service to the Lord. So, if one does not approach, or is not able to approach, the transcendental service of the Lord, then the other nineteen items are of no particular value. But, if one takes to devotional service in full Kṛṣṇa consciousness, the other nineteen items automatically develop within him. The principle of accepting a spiritual master, as mentioned in the seventh verse, is essential. Even for one who takes to devotional service, it is most important. Transcendental life begins when one accepts a bona fide spiritual master. The Supreme Personality of Godhead, Śrī Kṛṣṇa, clearly states here that this process of knowledge is the actual path. Anything speculated beyond this is nonsense. [...]

"According to Bhagavad-gītā, one should make research by philosophical discretion into the nature of the soul. One should make research to understand with what the self is concerned. That is recommended here.

As far as self-realization is concerned, it is clearly stated here that bhakti-yoga is especially practical. As soon as there is a question of devotion, one must consider the relationship between the Supersoul and the individual soul. The individual soul and the Supersoul cannot be one, at least not in the bhakti conception, the devotional conception of life. This service of the individual soul to the Supreme Soul is eternal, nityam, as is clearly stated. So bhakti or devotional service is eternal. One should be established in that philosophical conviction, otherwise it is only a waste of time, ignorance.

"In the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, this is explained; vadanti tat tattva-vidas tattvaṁ yaj jñānam advayam. "Those who are actually knowers of the Absolute Truth know that the Self is realized in three different phases as Brahman, Paramātmā and Bhagavān." [Srimad-Bhāgavatam 1.2.11] Bhagavān is the last word in the realization of the Absolute Truth; therefore one should reach up to that platform of understanding the Supreme Personality of Godhead and thus engage in the devotional service of the Lord. That is perfection of knowledge."

So every devotee should perform deep philosophical research into the Absolute Truth. It is not that one should simply accept the conclusions of the Vedas as one's opinion, without critical thinking; that is a very weak position. But one should be convinced through profound research and contemplation, and also able to convince other intelligent people by logic and argument, that worship of Bhagavan through bhakti, devotional service, is the highest path of spiritual self-perfection. 

Therefore spiritual education is required; not merely dogmatic indoctrination into the devotional lifestyle and superficial parrot-like knowledge of the tenets of the Vedic scriptures, but real education in how to learn from the Vedic scriptures, how to develop fields of knowledge through ontology, how to think independently based on Vedic evidence, and how to express one's conclusions convincingly. Just like we teach Vedic astrology, Sanskrit scriptures and music in the context of devotional practices. Academic qualifications and empirical research are not very important; but when we add bhakti to knowledge, the result is very powerful. 

The deep feelings of early morning have persisted throughout the day. I find myself daydreaming, in reverie, about my life and wishing that it had gone more pleasantly in the external sense. Then I catch myself, knowing well that if I had enjoyed external pleasure and success, it would have blunted my determination for spiritual progress. Maybe if my life had gone smoothly I would not have attained self-realization or become a successful spiritual teacher, and that's a scary thought. 

I am forced to acknowledge the impact that my Godbrothers' intransigence has had on my life and motivations. If they had not been such rascals, it is possible that things would have turned out differently? Alas, it is useless to speculate on what might have been, and even more useless to lament over our misfortunes. It is better not to desire material opulence, success and enjoyment, because if we do not get them then we make ourselves miserable, and if we do get them then we can lose our spiritual life. It is natural to envy those who seem more fortunate, but if we reflect a little on what actual good fortune is, then we can understand that one who remains externally indigent, but uses the opportunity to build a good spiritual foundation in his life, is really fortunate. His good fortune is eternal, whereas even the greatest material success is but fleeting, like the wind. The only productive solution to the problems of life is to do our best to tolerate whatever situation Krsna has placed us in, and take full shelter of the Holy Name. 

Oops, wrong burro! That's our neighbor's burro grazing by the road. Ain't she purty?

Yesterday we went to Catemaco to stock up on veggies and get on the Internet. The roads were deep in mud from the recent rain, but El Burro was in his element, and just ate it up. We also received a package of neem products from Neville; neem oil is supposed to be good for repelling mosquitos; we'll soon find out. Uddhava emailed me that he is working on closing the deal for the satellite equipment, so hopefully we will be back online daily within a couple of weeks. It should happen right around the time that Saturn goes direct on May 3. He's been retrograde since late January, so it's naturally been a time of consolidation and reorganization, as usual under Saturn retrograde. Come May, we will start to make good progress in preaching again. We have two new websites ready to go online: one feeder site about holistic health and Ayurveda, and another European site where Florian is working on translating some of our work into German. I will also be working on new music and video projects. 

Today is kind of a strange day; the weather is overcast, cool and damp, exactly like it was when we arrived about six weeks ago. It almost seems like we have been returned to winter. So we are having an Ekadasi feast of spicy cauliflower and potato sabji, and fresh whole milk with tapioca and peppermint for dessert. There are several little pepper trees with tiny day-glo orange chillies growing all over them. They even look hot, and they sure taste hot too. So we will warm up with nice prasadam and the Holy Name.

Well, I finally finished transcribing Session 1 Part 3 of the San Diego Seminars. It seemed to take forever, because every time I would start to work on it, I would remember how I went to so much trouble to present this nice seminar to Randy and his friends, and now none of them ever writes to us or even visits the site. I suppose I should be more detached from the results of my work, but it does bother me when I go to so much trouble and people just don't value our efforts. At least the Web audience like Uddhava, Neville, Conor and Florian really got into it and appreciated our presentation. I don't need or expect material rewards for my work, but it is still nice when people appreciate the effort we put into these presentations. Thanks guys. 

Neville sent in a very nice transcription of Session 2 Part 3 of the same seminar. The Internet places here have such bad FTP performance that I have not been able to upload very much of the work we have been doing. As soon as we get our own Internet connection, I will post it. That will also motivate me to take more videos of this beautiful place, especially now that we have our good camera, since I will be able to upload them instead of having to send them to Uddhava by mail.

I also finished the first complete piece of the new music series. It's the dvadasaksara-mantra in the 67 scale in a symphonic setting in impressionistic style. The music and vocals were already done and the arrangement was set. Today I mixed down the MIDI tracks to WAV files, EQ'd them and added effects, and then the real magic: mastering the final mix. The secret here is picking the right kind and amount of compression. I was trying to explain compression to Conor, and the best I could come up with is that compression is similar to equalization, but for dynamics. The new tools I have by Uddhava's grace are really good, and I have ordered some reference books on composition and arranging to refresh my bag of tricks. You will be hearing some very sweet sounds from our new studio in the near future!

Wednesday, April 16

Today dawned clear, but still cool; it's only 19°C at 8:30 AM. The LP gas ran out while heating this morning's milk from the cows next door; so it looks like we will have to refill it weekly. Of course we still have the camp stove as a backup, so it's no problem; just another regular stop to add to our weekly trip to town. 

Ekadasi is always heavy because it pushes us into our inner world. It is a good day to sort out what is going on inside of us; that's why it is recommended to fast and chant a lot on Ekadasi. The vibes are much lighter today; I feel less introspective and more like getting stuff done. So I started working on a kirtan track loosely based on one of Aindra's festival kirtans, except it's in a Latino jazz style. If it doesn't make you want to dance, you better check in to the hospital, because you're in serious condition. ¡Arriba!

Thursday, April 17

Spent most of yesterday working on the new kirtan track, having great fun. Conor and Florian are all absorbed in their daily program of sadhana and service. They spend most of the day at the lake camp, chanting, reading and doing kirtan. They are making nice steady progress. They usually show up here about 2 PM and we have lunch together, hang out and do computer stuff. Today we will have to go to the cascade and get water for drinking and cooking. 

I awoke today with strong feelings about my Godbrothers again. This issue just will not leave me alone. I suppose it is one of the biggest motivations in my life. The dominant emotion I feel towards them is a tremendous, melancholy sense of loss; what a great society we could have had, what a powerful force for good in the world, and what a pitiful tragedy that the whole thing was wasted just to feed the ambitions of a few greedy, egotistical rascals. But I also suppose that is the story of this material world; whenever anyone does something wonderful, it is immediately taken over, corrupted and misused by the rascals, who are legion compared with the few good men. According to Parasara, one of the planetary positions in my birth chart means that "your brothers will give you maximum torture." And so it has been.

Last night I dreamed that I went to a meeting or convention of devotees. There were many people there that I knew from the old days. One significant thing in the dream was that there was a sign-up sheet for redressing grievances, and it was a huge long scroll that reached across the whole big room. My Godbrothers made so many false promises, beginning with their promise to Srila Prabhupada at the time of initiation to follow his instructions. And they also cheated so many sincere people, ruining their faith and stopping their spiritual progress. Therefore they are cursed to enter a hellish condition of life for a long, long time. That is the great danger of misusing a powerful position in spiritual society.

There is a story in the Ramayana that once a proud brahmana kicked a dog who was sleeping in his path, and the dog went to Lord Rama to complain. When Rama asked the dog what he thought would make a fitting penalty, the dog answered "Put him in charge of such-and-such temple." Lord Rama replied "That would be a nice position; it does not seem like a punishment." The dog said "I was the administrator of that temple in my previous life; and because of my offenses against the devotees, now I am a dog. He is proud, so let him also offend the devotees and go to hell."

Srila Prabhupada once said "Krsna consciousness is like a sharp razor: it can give you a nice clean shave, or it can cut your throat." This process brings a person into direct contact with the Supreme Personality of Godhead; so if they have the slightest demoniac tendency, they will commit grave offenses and suffer as a result. The Lord is a like a desire tree; therefore when one is in touch with His Holy Name, one should be very careful to desire only the highest and best, both for oneself and for everyone else. Otherwise he will be in great difficulty of his own creation.

For almost the last year, I have had a very powerful transit in my chart. Neptune is transiting my natal Mars, and this means:

"Your energy works automatically under the dominance of intuition. A period of great success or failure, due, in either case, to the nature of dream you hold, which you express with great intensity. A union is effected between your deepest inner nature and the energy expression factor through which you externalize. If your inner nature is dark, sensational and destructive, it manifests itself here in that form. If it is shining and idealistic, master of high dreaming you accomplish wonders. To translate your hidden powers, to express your suppressed desires, is the task of this period and in the accomplishment of this task, you will be helped by luck and your magnetism. A very powerful transit leading you to success, power, riches fame etc. or to the exact reverse depending on the aspects the transit receives."

So I have been very careful to utilize this opportunity to produce the antidote for the excesses and mistakes of ISKCON: a small, independent, intimate esoteric school where sincere spiritual aspirants can inquire from and serve an authentic realized soul. This is an example of what all the devotees should be doing. While it may look like creating this school was easy, that was just the manifestation stage; in reality, it is the fruit of many long years of severe penances and careful, methodical spiritual work.

Back in 1978, Srila Prabhupada told me to leave ISKCON and perform sadhana for 25 years before beginning my preaching mission. His spiritual master Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati also had told him something very similar just before leaving this world: "There will be a fire in the [Gaudiya] Math." In other words when the spiritual master disappears, chaos ensues, destroying much of his work. But it requires only one truly sincere disciple to reconstruct everything, and maintain the Lord's mission in this woebegone world. That assignment has fallen to me; not because of my great qualifications—my personality is actually not very well suited to the task—but simply because no one else was available, having disqualified themselves by disobedience. I have received the greatest mercy, simply because of my sincere desire to please my spiritual master and the default of my Godbrothers through their intransigence.

So I have to forgive them their folly, knowing well that whatever happens is actually the divine will of the Lord. As was so well spoken by Sitadevi after the victory of Lord Rama over Ravana:

"Any suffering I felt was surely the result of My own past misdeeds, for such is the universal law. Indeed, there is an ancient maxim which is always the code of the virtuous: ‘A righteous man does not consider the offenses of others against him. At all costs he always observes the vow of not returning evil for evil, for the virtuous consider good conduct their ornament.’” [Ramayana Canto 3 Chapter 14]

The past is done and gone, and by God's universal law we all have gained the results of our previous actions. My Godbrothers have temporary worldly religion, wealth and power, and also all the anxieties and troubles that come along with them. And in the future they will have to accept the consequences of their offenses. In the Svargarohanika-parva, the conclusion of Mahabharata, Shakra (Indra) tells Maharaja Yudhisthira,

"He who enjoys first the fruits of his good acts must afterwards endure Hell. He, on the other hand, who first endures Hell, must afterwards enjoy Heaven. He whose sinful acts are many enjoys Heaven first." 

In other words, if the majority of a person's activities is good, they first experience the suffering due to their past impious acts; then they go to regions of eternal felicity to enjoy the results of their pious actions. The opposite is true for offenders. So my Godbrothers are temporarily enjoying heavenly delights, but in future they will have to suffer. I may now be impecunious and rejected by all; however I have the eternal association of that Lord who is worshiped by all religions, and is the source of all the good fortune experienced by religious people. His direct personal association is the actual goal of the process of devotional service given in Srimad-Bhagavatam and other Vedic scriptures.

Those who pursue the power of the Lord instead of His association are ultimately losers, because they do not get the personal company of the Powerful, the Lord Himself, whose very form is made of unlimited transcendental bliss. Just like when the Battle of Kuruksetra was about to begin, both Arjuna and Duryodhana approached Krsna. Both knew that Krsna had pledged not to fight, yet they both sought His benediction. Duryodhana stood at Krsna's head and begged for His army, while Arjuna stood at His feet and requested His personal association in the battle instead. 

So my unfortunate Godbrothers, who for the time being sit on golden thrones worshiped by thousands of disciples, actually have earned themselves the booby prize. Blinded by selfish desires, they have taken the path of religion; whereas Krsna concludes Bhagavad-gita by advising Arjuna:

sarva-dharmān parityajya
mām ekaṁ śaraṇaṁ vraja
ahaṁ tvāṁ sarva-pāpebhyo
mokṣayiṣyāmi mā śucaḥ

"Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reaction. Do not fear." [Bhagavad-gita 18.66]

I would much rather have Krsna Himself than any amount of religious merit and the heavenly sense gratification that results. Such personal enjoyment is material and thus temporary; while the fruits of devotional service are eternal and imperishable. My Godbrothers certainly have many good qualities, but they have taken a path that is ultimately rejected in Bhagavad-gita as being for the less intelligent. The more I experience in life and the more I think it over, the more I feel grateful that I had chosen this path very early in life and stuck to it despite all inconveniences. Krsna has certainly saved the best for last.

Friday, April 18

The weather is warming up again; today should be nice and hot. It's already 20°C at 7 AM.

Yesterday I got the idea for a song in a vision. It's a bossa-nova tune about how when we are in touch with Krsna, then everything is wonderful and we're in love; but when we lose our Krsna consciousness, we are lost and gradually glide down into a hellish condition. The first part is pretty straightforward bossa nova, but the bridge uses a chord progression that I think is unique: Vm-Vø-Vm-Vø-IV-IVø-IIIm-IIIø-IIIm-IIIø-IIM-IIø-IIm-IIø-ImL. 

I'm using voicings that I discovered in my research into the Vedic scale system to express the chord qualities, and the progression really does give a feeling of weakness and frustration. But the associated scales are very complicated and I am going to have to study the progression for some time to come up with a natural-sounding melody. Not to mention writing the words... but if and when Krsna gives inspiration, then it will go quickly. Meanwhile I will continue to work on the mechanics.

Conor was remarking that during kirtan yesterday, he was feeling profound changes in consciousness. I pointed out that this process is called 'Krsna consciousness' precisely because it changes our consciousness. When we cease to identify with this body and regain our natural identity as spirit soul, of course our consciousness will change; that is the whole point. He replied that it is one thing to read about it, and something very different to actually experience it. 

He correctly pointed out that in his ordinary association back home, although he was chanting every day, it was difficult to feel any changes in consciousness; so the effect must be due to good devotional association. Of course this is exactly right, and this is why we are maintaining this retreat center, so that people can experience the change in consciousness, the 'change in heart' as Srila Prabhupada used to call it, from material consciousness to Krsna consciousness. There is a very nice exchange about this in a conversation between Srila Prabhupada and Pusta Krsna:

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: What is the sign that someone is actually having change in heart?

Prabhupāda: By his action. Hiraṇyakaśipu tried to make Prahlāda atheist. He failed. And Prahlāda tried to make his father theist. He failed. Don't you see?

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: Yes.

Prabhupāda: So unless one agrees you cannot turn him. It is not possible. Five-years'-old boy, staunch devotee, and the powerful Hiraṇyakaśipu, father, who is threatening with his life and so many ways he tried that "You become atheist, godless. Otherwise I shall kill you." He did not agree. And similarly, the son also solicited the father that "You have got so much power by the grace of God. Why you are becoming atheist?" Both of them could not turn [the other] to their side. Prahlāda remained Prahlāda, and Hiraṇyakaśipu remained Hiraṇyakaśipu. No one can expect that without agreeing, conceding, one can be reformed. No, that is not possible. Impossible.

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: Not simply by rubber stamp.

Prabhupāda: No, that is not possible. He must agree, "Yes." Therefore guru is required. Guru means, accept guru means, "Whatever you say, I will accept." That is guru. Otherwise friendly talk. Friendly talk will not do. To accept guru means "Now I accept you, guru, my instructor, without any argument," and that is acceptance. "Whatever you say, I shall do." That is agreement. Then he can be reformed. śiṣyas te 'haṁ śādhi māṁ tvāṁ prapannam: "I surrender unto you. I become your disciple. Now you train me." [Bhagavad-gita 2.7] Then he can be reformed. Otherwise not possible. 

Devotee: When we were at school we accept a teacher and he teaches us mathematics or something like this, but when it comes to spiritual life and we accept a guru, people criticize by saying, "Oh, you're not thinking for yourself anymore."

Prabhupāda: Yes, you have surrendered. You say, "Yes, we have surrendered. That is the way." Tad viddhi praṇipātena [Bhagavad-gita 4.34]. The first term is "surrender," praṇipāta. Otherwise it is not possible. If one does not surrender, there is no question of reformation. He must voluntarily surrender: "Yes. Whatever you say, I shall do." Then things can be advanced. Otherwise not possible. [Morning Walk Conversation, 10/17/75]

So the real change in heart, or change in consciousness will come when one surrenders to a bona-fide guru. "Not simply by rubber stamp"; in other words, by superficially considering oneself a devotee without factual surrender to a guru. A proper service relationship with a guru must be there, or there is no question of change in consciousness or authentic Krsna consciousness. Therefore Krsna says:

tad viddhi praṇipātena
paripraśnena sevayā
upadekṣyanti te jñānaṁ
jñāninas tattva-darśinaḥ

"Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized soul can impart knowledge unto you because he has seen the truth." [Bhagavad-gita 4.34]

This is Krsna's system; if you follow it, you will get the result and your consciousness will change. If you continue to speculate and perform some different action, then the result will not come. Therefore when Pusta Krsna asks, "What is the sign that someone is actually having change in heart?" Prabhupada replies without hesitation, "By his action." He becomes convinced and agrees to follow Krsna's order, beginning with surrender to guru, and he attempts to convince others also. Whether he is successful or not doesn't matter; although Prahlada was unsuccessful in convincing his demoniac father to surrender to Krsna, he is still considered a great devotee because he remained steadfast in his duty, and continued to follow the process of Krsna consciousness despite all obstacles. Therefore he attained the highest result of direct service to the Lord, and so can we, if we follow the same process. 

There is a beautiful passage in Srimad-Bhagavatam where the Lord informs Uddhava of the process of devotional service:

"Firm faith in the blissful narration of My pastimes, constant chanting of My glories, unwavering attachment to ceremonial worship of Me, praising Me through beautiful hymns, great respect for My devotional service, offering obeisances with the entire body, performing first-class worship of My devotees, consciousness of Me in all living entities, offering of ordinary bodily activities in My devotional service, use of words to describe My qualities, offering the mind to Me, rejection of all material desires, giving up wealth for My devotional service, renouncing material sense gratification and happiness, and performing all desirable activities such as charity, sacrifice, chanting, vows and austerities with the purpose of achieving Me—these constitute actual religious principles, by which those human beings who have actually surrendered themselves to Me automatically develop love for Me. What other purpose or goal could remain for My devotee?" [Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.19.20-24]

The Lord instructs Uddhava that even the principles of ordinary religion should be performed with the goal of developing transcendental love for Him, rather than accumulating pious activities for personal enjoyment. Love of Godhead is the imperishable fruit of devotional service, and it leads to eternal happiness in the spiritual world. 

I cannot stop preaching. I just can't help myself; I've discovered something so beautiful, so high and wonderful that I just have to share it as widely as possible. Yes, Krsna consciousness is difficult, it's rare, and that makes it all the more valuable and desirable. The finest things in this life are rare, appreciated only by the cognoscenti. Yet there is no obstacle for anyone who wants to approach Krsna. Anyone can chant Krsna's Holy name, anyone can offer a little water and fruit to Him; it is just a matter of developing the sincere desire to get out of this material world. 

I get great pleasure from writing about Krsna consciousness; therefore I am also encouraging Conor and Florian to write about their experiences here. I am trying not to influence them in any way other than to encourage them, so whatever they write will be from their own inspiration and in their own natural voices. Hopefully soon when we get regular Internet access, their posts will be forthcoming more frequently. 

I wrote some words to the bossa nova song I wrote about earlier today:

Krsna, You are the One

(Refrain)
Krsna, You're the life of all that lives
You are the Moon, You are the Sun
You're the Beloved, and You're the One
Yes, You're the One, You are the One

(Bridge)
But when we go away from You
Then there is nothing we can do
To find a satisfying life
A perfect lover, friend or wife

Our love is always incomplete
We have a tendency to cheat
Then we must suffer for our sin
Until the day that we begin
To serve You and to love You

(Refrain)

Krsna, You're the sound of the mantra OM
You show us how to come back home
You're the Love, and You're the One
Yes, You're the One, You are the One

(Bridge)
But when we start to speculate
That we are someone really great
And independently create
Then we cannot avoid our fate

Our karma weighted down by sin
And blind with lust then we begin
Our journey down the road to hell
Until we learn our lesson well
To serve You and to love You

(Coda)
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare

It's in bossa nova jazz style, with lots of chord changes. In fact, the changes on the bridge are extremely challenging and tricky because of the chromaticism, and I will have to practice for week or so before I can do a good job on the vocal part. For now I just recorded draft vocals, but I will do the final parts later on when I can sing them well. Here's the recording.

Saturday, April 19

Well it's the weekend, but you wouldn't know it; every day is pretty much the same around here. I am spending a lot of time on keyboard practice to get back my facility and strength. Now I am doing the Major scales, scale-tone seventh chords, circle of fifths, and chords with scales in all 12 keys every day. But the older I get, the longer it takes to get my edge back. My left hand is especially weak, and I have to rest it every few minutes and massage the tendons. But I am slowly getting my strength back. I have also started practicing vocal fundamentals—out of necessity because if I am going to actually sing some of the music I've written, I will need to strengthen my voice and make it more agile. So, nose to the grindstone. Here's another kirtan recording I'm working on.

Practicing fundamentals daily is essential to remaining strong in any art. But it is especially important in music, and the same skills that are fundamental to music are also fundamental to devotional service. It is especially important to be able to duplicate sound vibrations. Transcendental sound vibration is the essence of devotional service. Lord Brahma uses it to create the universe, and devotees use it to please the Supreme Personality of Godhead and enter into the spiritual world. 

So we must be able to duplicate the sound vibrations given by the self-realized souls; that is the process of learning devotional service. This does not mean superficial imitation, but requires a deep understanding of the inner structure of transcendental sound as passed down through our sampradaya from Lord Brahma, so we can recreate the original transcendental quality of the vibration in our consciousness. So the ability of deep hearing according to Vedic standards must be cultivated. Then by even a little hearing from a self-realixed soul, we can realize everything very easily. 

sūta uvāca
iti kauṣāravākhyātām
āśrutya bhagavat-kathām
kṣattānandaṁ paraṁ lebhe
mahā-bhāgavato dvija

Śrī Sūta Gosvāmī continued: "My dear brāhmaṇa, Kṣattā [Vidura] the great devotee of the Lord achieved transcendental bliss by hearing the narration of the pastimes of the Supreme Personality of Godhead from the authoritative source of the sage Kauṣārava [Maitreya], and he was very pleased." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 3.19.33]

PURPORT

If anyone wants to derive transcendental pleasure by hearing the pastimes of the Lord, he must hear from the authoritative source, as explained here. Maitreya heard the narration from his bona fide spiritual master [Parasara, the father of Vyasadeva], and Vidura also heard from Maitreya. One becomes an authority simply by presenting whatever he has heard from his spiritual master, and one who does not accept a bona fide spiritual master cannot be an authority. This is clearly explained here. If one wants to have transcendental pleasure, he must find a person with authority. It is also stated in the Bhāgavatam that simply by hearing from an authoritative source, with the ear and the heart, one can relish the pastimes of the Lord, otherwise it is not possible.

Every transcendental mantra has three aspects: sloka, matra and svara or the text, the rhythm and the intonation. To chant any mantra perfectly requires deep knowledge of all three. We should understand and pronounce the sloka properly, including the proper position of the tongue for the labial, dental, palatal and guttural consonants, correct pronunciation of the aspirated consonants like kh, gh, jh, ch and so on. Then the correct rhythm of the short and long syllables must be observed. Finally the intonation with respect to the drone or acoustic root must be correct, based on svaras or integral ratios of vibrations. I have discussed all this elaborately in my music thesis Sapta Svarah.

Sometimes Srila Prabhupada used to encourage neophyte devotees by saying that one can chant mantras without proper pronunciation and even without understanding the language, and they would still have an effect; but that was just to introduce the chanting process somehow or other into demoniac Western society. For if we listen to Srila Prabhupada himself chant mantras, he does it perfectly. So I don't buy the argument often made by ISKCON devotees that the finer aspects of chanting mantras are unimportant, because Srila Prabhupada showed by his example that they are; and he was also fond of saying that "example is more important than precept."

The devotees' argument derives from the ISKCON leaders' stance that devotees should not become expert brahmanas, which is, in turn, based on their misconception that devotional service is just another religion. They did not want devotees to become expert in sastra or other aspects of Vedic culture; they just wanted to indoctrinate people and send them out to collect funds for their own aggrandizement and enjoyment. This fundamental disagreement between Srila Prabhupada and his so-called 'prominent disciples' permeates the entire history and style of ISKCON, and other pseudo-Vaisnava religious organizations patterned after it. 

The disciples' misconception was that the 'Hare Krsna movement' was just another religion, and that therefore they could become gurus by external imitation and enjoy absolute authority over their subordinates. However Srila Prabhupada showed abundantly, both by example and precept, that he wanted his disciples to become expert brahmanas with deep understanding and realization of Krsna consciousness. The present ISKCON gurus cannot even define 'consciousness' in terms of the Vedas, because they have not studied or realized Vedanta philosophy. So how can they claim to represent either Srila Prabhupada or our disciplic lineage? They have distorted the whole process, lost the connection with the real consciousness-based teaching and made it into a mere external imitation of devotional service—a shadow of the real thing.

Therefore when I attempted to teach classes in actual Vedic musical principles in ISKCON, I was discouraged by the leaders. They did not want their young disciples to be more expert in music and Vedic sound vibration than themselves. In other words, they became envious, interfered and stopped our work. The same thing happened in other so-called Vaisnava organizations. I came to understand that these so-called gurus are just very immature, weak and insecure politicians. They are trying to be religious leaders but they have no actual qualifications. They cannot tolerate the presence of anyone who does have some qualifications, so they dispose of them by political means—in other words, by lies. They are fond of calling anyone who criticizes them "envious snakes," but let's tell the truth about who are the real envious snakes: the phony religious leaders themselves.

Actual devotional service is based on the natural transcendental love and affection between the soul and Krsna; the guru and the sanga are merely coaches and helpers so people can rediscover this original love relationship. Krsna consciousness is not about power; it is about love. It is not about wealth; it is about knowledge. It is not about control; it is about truth. If the leaders would learn and teach actual brahminical values, they would have more followers, more wealth and certainly more happiness and spiritual progress than they do today. Their low-class political nonsense drove all the really good, smart, resourceful and talented people away.

When I first joined ISKCON, there were many intelligent, talented people with qualities I admired and whose association I enjoyed and valued. Now if you go to any ISKCON temple, you will find only dullards, yes-men and of course, the political management. Dull brains. No one is thoughtful, no one dares to express a personal opinion or feeling because they know it will be used against them. The transcendental camaraderie, high idealism and excitement of the early days have evaporated, and now everything is just routine—business and politics as usual. I am not making this up; anyone who remembers the days when Srila Prabhupada was present will tell you the same thing.

The difference between us and the average devotee is that we know the real cause of ISKCON's malaise, and therefore we also know the cure. Srila Prabhupada wanted to create a school for training up Bhaktivedantas, highly qualified brahmanas similar to himself. That was the original purpose of ISKCON, and it is also the purpose and principle of our Esoteric Teaching school. I can only train a handful of disciples at a time; but that's alright. They will train more, and their disciples will train even more. Gradually we will overcome the false churchy materialistic Vaisnava organizations, if only because they cannot survive in their present form. They will gradually dwindle and die out, because they are engaged in a temporary material religious process, therefore each succeeding generation will be more disempowered.

tad aśma-sāraṁ hṛdayaṁ batedaṁ
yad gṛhyamāṇair hari-nāma-dheyaiḥ
na vikriyetātha yadā vikāro
netre jalaṁ gātra-ruheṣu harṣaḥ

"Certainly that heart is steel-framed which, in spite of one's chanting the Holy Name of the Lord with concentration, does not change when ecstasy takes place, tears fill the eyes and the hairs stand on end." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 2.3.24]

PURPORT

[...] The whole process of spiritual culture is aimed at changing the heart of the living being in the matter of his eternal relation with the Supreme Lord as subordinate servant, which is his eternal constitutional position. So with the progress of devotional service, the reaction of change in the heart is exhibited by gradual detachment from the sense of material enjoyment by a false sense of lording it over the world and an increase in the attitude of rendering loving service to the Lord. Vidhi-bhakti, or regulated devotional service by the limbs of the body (namely the eyes, the ears, the nose, the hands and the legs, as already explained hereinbefore), is now stressed herein in relation to the mind, which is the impetus for all activities of the limbs of the body. It is expected by all means that by discharging regulated devotional service one must manifest the change of heart. If there is no such change, the heart must be considered steel-framed, for it is not melted even when there is chanting of the holy name of the Lord. We must always remember that hearing and chanting are the basic principles of discharging devotional duties, and if they are properly performed there will follow the reactional ecstasy with signs of tears in the eyes and standing of the hairs on the body. These are natural consequences and are the preliminary symptoms of the bhāva stage, which occurs before one reaches the perfectional stage of prema, love of Godhead.

If the reaction does not take place, even after continuous hearing and chanting of the Holy Name of the Lord, it may be considered to be due to offenses only. That is the opinion of the [Krsna-]Sandarbha [by Srila Rupa Gosvami]. In the beginning of chanting of the Holy Name of the Lord, if the devotee has not been very careful about evading the ten kinds of offenses at the feet of the Holy Name, certainly the reaction of feelings of separation will not be visible by tears in the eyes and standing of the hair on end.

All the toxic political machinations of the Muslims, Greeks and British were unable to kill authentic transcendental Vedic culture, because it is eternal by nature and protected by the Supreme Personality of Godhead Himself. Demons like Hiranyaksa and Hiranyakasipu always try to kill the Lord and His devotees, but wind up being destroyed themselves. So is anyone really foolish enough to think that the interference of a few offensive phony institutional gurus means the end of the authentic Krsna consciousness movement? This process is eternal; it will go on in its original spiritual quality through ourselves and our disciples, and there is nothing in this world that can stop it, because it is based on the transcendental power of the Lord. 

This evening is Visnu Purnima, the full Moon of the spring season. After taking evening prasadam, Florian, Conor and I had a long, intimate discussion about the Lord's conjugal pastimes, sitting in the dark in the front room of the house as the full Moon rose over the hill. The Lord's conjugal pastimes are very confidential; only the devotees who are directly involved in them have any real knowledge of them. Just like a man does not discuss his conjugal relationship with his wife publicly, even with his friends, similarly the conjugal pastimes of the Lord are not discussed openly, except among the devotees for whom these pastimes are their service. It simply is no one else's business. 

Even great devotees like Mother Yasoda have no idea of Krsna's confidential conjugal pastimes. As far as she knows, Krsna is a very good boy who remains in His bed all night after a hard day of cow herding. When He wakes up in the morning and she sees the marks of the gopis' nails all over His body, she thinks "Krsna must have got those scratches going through the thorn bushes while looking for a lost calf. He is such a good boy." She simply is incapable of seeing Krsna as anything but her little boy who needs her care and protection. 

Similarly the gopis are incapable of seeing Krsna as anything but their most beloved paramour. They do not know, nor do they care, whether He is God. He is simply their most tenderly beloved, beautiful Krsna. Their whole lives revolve around the Divine Couple and Their ecstatic confidential pastimes in the bushes of Vrndavan. I am not making this us; these pastimes are described in detail in esoteric scriptures like Govinda-lilamrta, Krsna-bhavanmrta and others, including of course Srimad-Bhagavatam and Caitanya-caritamrta. You cannot find anything more wonderful or beautiful as these pastimes in the whole universe. What kind of fool would give up Krsna consciousness for some other religious or mystic process?

These transcendental pastimes of conjugal love are the pinnacle of spiritual bliss, but one must be spiritually mature to understand them properly; otherwise it is possible to make serious offenses that will derail one's spiritual progress. So we must be discreet and discuss such topics only with properly prepared advanced devotees, and then there is no problem. But we can say right from the beginning that Krsna's conjugal pastimes are divided into svakiya and parakiya, or the married pastimes with the queens of Dvaraka and the pastimes with the gopis of Vraja as a paramour. The dvadasaksara-mantra, om namo bhagavate vasudevaya, links one with Krsna's Dvaraka-lila and the Hare Krsna maha-mantra connects us with His Vrndavan pastimes. Which one we accept is a matter of taste and desire.

Sunday, April 20

Uh-oh. I started my PC this morning to practice keyboard and voice, and was met with the dreaded message "Disk Read Error: Press Ctrl-Alt-Del to Restart." After several futile tries, I powered down the machine, took the cover off and reseated all the disk cables. Sometimes that's all it takes, and sure enough, this time it booted. But I now feel insecure about the reliability of this machine, so I tried to connect a FireWire drive to back up all my data. Guess what—that didn't work either. The Mac reads it just fine, so the drive isn't the problem. Some Windows driver is missing and the PC won't read the external drive. Grrr. Oh boy, I hope it's not going to be one of those days.

Then again, maybe it is. Some of the village folks are building a house right across the street, and there was a backhoe and a couple of dump trucks doing site preparation starting at 9 AM. The whole family turned out to watch: "Work is fascinating—I can sit and drink lemonade and watch it all day." So they sat right in front of our yard. Great. Hopefully they will be done with the heavy equipment soon. Then all we have to worry about is beer-saturated construction workers hanging around using our latrine.

Yesterday one of the town lushes was at the cowshed, stinking drunk, at 6AM when I got milk. On the way home he fell off the road (this requires real talent) rolled down the embankment and hit his head on a big rock next to our house. He knocked himself clean out, and was bleeding profusely from a cut on his temple. I heard the thud, went outside and saw the pathetic sight. What could I do? I poured some water on his cut and helped him up. He collapsed on a chair in front of our house, so I crushed some Tulasi buds and held them under his nose. He didn't like them, but they sobered him right up. Then I turned on some kirtan real loud, and in a few minutes he got up and staggered home.

OK, so if the rascals are going to attack, the best defense is a good offense. So we decided to go to Catemaco, drop in on the Sunday Satsang and do some preaching. Even then, the rascals wouldn't leave us alone. Some guy kept interrupting Uddhava's preaching to ask stupid questions, which he of course thought were very smart. Wrong move. He finally wound up logging off, but not before he had wasted a bunch of everyone's time. Some neurotic people are so desperate for attention, they will indulge in any kind of misbehavior to get it. Anyway Uddhava did some very nice preaching, and I got a chance to thank him for his staunch service.

The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: "Nonviolence, truthfulness, not coveting or stealing the property of others, detachment, humility, freedom from possessiveness, trust in the principles of religion, celibacy, silence, steadiness, forgiveness and fearlessness are the twelve primary disciplinary principles. Internal cleanliness, external cleanliness, chanting the holy names of the Lord, austerity, sacrifice, faith, hospitality, worship of Me, visiting holy places, acting and desiring only for the supreme interest, satisfaction, and service to the spiritual master are the twelve elements of regular prescribed duties. These twenty-four principles bestow all desired benedictions upon those persons who devotedly cultivate them." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.19.33-35]

"Absorbing the intelligence in Me constitutes mental equilibrium, and complete discipline of the senses is self-control. Tolerance means patiently enduring unhappiness, and steadfastness occurs when one conquers the tongue and genitals. The greatest charity is to give up all aggression toward others, and renunciation of lust is understood to be real austerity. Real heroism is to conquer one's natural tendency to enjoy material life, and reality is seeing the Supreme Personality of Godhead everywhere. Truthfulness means to speak the truth in a pleasing way, as declared by great sages. Cleanliness is detachment in fruitive activities, whereas renunciation is the sannyāsa order of life. The true desirable wealth for human beings is religiousness, and I, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, am sacrifice. Religious remuneration is devotion to the ācārya with the purpose of acquiring spiritual instruction, and the greatest strength is the prāṇāyāma system of breath control. Actual opulence is My own nature as the Personality of Godhead, through which I exhibit the six unlimited opulences. The supreme gain in life is devotional service to Me, and actual education is nullifying the false perception of duality within the soul. Real modesty is to be disgusted with improper activities, and beauty is to possess good qualities such as detachment. Real happiness is to transcend material happiness and unhappiness, and real misery is to be implicated in searching for sex pleasure. A wise man is one who knows the process of freedom from bondage, and a fool is one who identifies with his material body and mind. The real path in life is that which leads to Me, and the wrong path is sense gratification, by which consciousness is bewildered. Actual heaven is the predominance of the mode of goodness, whereas hell is the predominance of ignorance. I am everyone's true friend, acting as the spiritual master of the entire universe, and one's home is the human body. My dear friend Uddhava, one who is enriched with good qualities is actually said to be rich, and one who is unsatisfied in life is actually poor. A wretched person is one who cannot control his senses, whereas one who is not attached to sense gratification is a real controller. One who attaches himself to sense gratification is the opposite, a slave. Thus, Uddhava, I have elucidated all of the matters about which you inquired. There is no need for a more elaborate description of these good and bad qualities, since to constantly see good and bad is itself a bad quality. The best quality is to transcend material good and evil." [Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.19.36-45]

It would be easy to write a book about these verses; indeed it has already been done, and this book is called the Vedas. This passage is like a vial of concentrated nectar, full of the best spiritual advice and benediction for all. The real spiritual path is simple. Anyone can understand that the qualities described by Krsna are full of spiritual wisdom. It is when we attempt to compromise the actual principles of spiritual life with material purposes that we become entangled in complexities and a morass of political complications.

Actual happiness is simply purity itself; the greatest misfortune is not to have sufficient wisdom, or control over our minds and senses, to desire it. Just as a rich man can invest his wealth to produce more in the future, a person's good spiritual qualities produce good actions, which generate more good results in the future. As Srila Prabhupada was fond of saying, "Virtue is its own reward." If that seems tautological or didactic, try practicing some of the virtues Krsna describes, and find out what it means by direct experience.

Monday, April 21

I got into editing this collection and stayed up late last night. We had the first major power outage since we have been in the house; the power was off from 9 PM to about 3 AM. Actually the electricity here is cleaner and more reliable than in Mexico City. There it seemed to go off at least once every other day.

A huge moth has taken shelter of my room. I measured it, and its wingspan is a full 20 cm (8"). It just hangs around on the ceiling, and flies around every so often. It is such a magnificent specimen, so I am taking care not to disturb it.

This morning I continued to edit and lay out the whole series of journal posts, putting them into one big web page and adding photos at appropriate points. It makes the whole story a lot more interesting to read. But I got so absorbed in editing that I forgot to cook lunch! The devotees showed up around 2 PM and there I was, still working in the office. Oops. Conor remarked "It's too hot to eat anyway." I told Florian to check his pulse; I've never known Conor to reject prasadam.

Anyway we made some lassi to get us by while we threw together some kicheri. We wound up not eating until about 4:30, because we had to wait for the freshly cooked prasadam to cool off enough to eat it.

sarvopādhi-vinirmuktaṁ
tat-paratvena nirmalam
hṛṣīkeṇa hṛṣīkeśa-

sevanaṁ bhaktir ucyate

“Bhakti, or devotional service, means engaging all our senses in the service of the Lord, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the master of all the senses. When the spirit soul renders service unto the Supreme, there are two side effects. One is freed from all material designations, and one’s senses are purified simply by being employed in the service of the Lord.”  [Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 19.170]

This verse quoted from the Nārada-pañcarātra is also found in the Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu 1.1.12. But this verse may be misconstrued as supporting devotional service, bhakti-yoga that is mixed with other qualities such as karma-yoga, jnana-yoga or the quest for mystic powers. The actual goal of the Esoteric Teaching is pure devotional service, unmixed with religiosity, economic development, sense gratification or liberation. Pure devotional service is defined by Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī in another famous sloka:

anyābhilāṣitā-śūnyaṁ
jñāna-karmādy-anāvṛtam

ānukūlyena kṛṣṇānu-

śīlanaṁ bhaktir uttamā

“When first-class devotional service develops, one must be devoid of all material desires, knowledge obtained by monistic philosophy, and fruitive action. The devotee must constantly serve Kṛṣṇa favorably, as Kṛṣṇa desires.”  [Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya-lila 19.167]

Srila Prabhupada writes:

“Bhakti may be considered in three stages, called guṇī-bhūta, pradhānī-bhūta and kevala, and according to these stages there are three divisions, which are called jñāna, jñānamayī and rati, or premā—that is, simple knowledge, love mixed with knowledge, and pure love. By simple knowledge, one can perceive transcendental bliss without variety. This perception is called māna-bhūti. When one comes to the stage of jñānamayī, one realizes the transcendental opulences of the Personality of Godhead. But when one reaches pure love, one realizes the transcendental form of the Lord as Lord Kṛṣṇa or Lord Rāma. This is what is wanted.”  [Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.3.31 Purport]

So we see many devotees and organizations that claim to represent the pure bhakti movement of Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, but if we observe and analyze their activities carefully, we can see that they are actually engaged in devotional service mixed with other subsidiary goals, such as religiosity, economic development, sense gratification or liberation. Then who is actually practicing or teaching pure kevala-bhakti, unmixed with any other process?

Only one who, as Srila Prabhupada writes above, has realized the transcendental form of the Lord is on the platform of pure bhakti, and can present or preach such kevala-bhakti or prema. The distinct flavor of this pure love is that one does not consider that Krsna is God, but simply loves Him with an intensity and purity above all other kinds of love.

“In Vṛndāvana, no one regarded Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. When something very wonderful happened because of Kṛṣṇa's activities, the inhabitants of Vṛndāvana—the cowherd men, the cowherd boys, Nanda Mahārāja, Yaśodā and the others—were surprised, but they never considered their son Kṛṣṇa, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Sometimes they suggested that some great demigod had appeared there as Kṛṣṇa. In such an exalted status of devotional service, a devotee forgets the position of Kṛṣṇa and intensely loves the Supreme Personality of Godhead without understanding His position. This is called kevala-bhakti and is distinct from the stages of jñāna and jñānamayī bhakti.” [Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.3.53 Purport]

If one actually realizes Krsna, then he gets everything else without further effort. For example, we do not care much for religious rituals and formalities, yet we have an adequate stock of pious activities simply from chanting the Holy Name without offenses; we are not engaged in economic development, but by Krsna’s grace we have sufficient funds; we are not great scholars or intellectuals, but no one can defeat us in argument, nor can anyone demonstrate a similar deep intuitive understanding and direct realization of the transcendental nature of consciousness, the intricacies of rasa-tattva and so many other things; we are not pursuing sense gratification, yet we are happy and satisfied even in this material world by our internal relationship with Krsna; and we are not interested in cultivating liberation, because we have already realized our transcendental identity and relationship with Krsna.

So what is the need for any process other than pure bhakti? Yet we see so many other devotees becoming deviated from the practice of pure bhakti and engaging in pious activities, religiosity, economic development and sense gratification. Then after some time, their lives and especially their consciousness do not at all resemble those of a devotee. Then perhaps they become disgusted and again try to attain liberation from material existence, and maybe they will be more successful. But what is the need for such painful experience, when we can remain on the platform of pure bhakti without any mixture of these other processes, which are difficult and painful by nature?

nārada uvāca
pārāśarya mahā-bhāga
bhavataḥ kaccid ātmanā
parituṣyati śārīra

ātmā mānasa eva vā

Addressing Vyāsadeva, the son of Parāśara, Nārada inquired: “Are you satisfied by identifying with the body or the mind as objects of self-realization?”

bhavatānudita-prāyaṁ
yaśo bhagavato 'malam
yenaivāsau na tuṣyeta
manye tad darśanaṁ khilam

“You have not actually broadcast the sublime and spotless glories of the Personality of Godhead. That philosophy which does not satisfy the transcendental senses of the Lord is considered worthless.” [Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.5.2, 8]

Vyasadeva was feeling despondent even after compiling so many wonderful Vedic literatures like the Upanisads and Mahabharata. But his spiritual master Narada precisely zeroed in on the root cause of his dissatisfaction: he was still explaining self-realization in relation to the body and mind, and not on the ontological platform of the pure soul. The pure soul is interested only in the transcendental pastimes of the Lord in relation with His devotees, therefore Narada instructed Vyasa to write about kevela-bhakti, the subject of Srimad-Bhagavatam. In preparation for writing the Bhagavatam, Vyasa compiled the Vedanta-sutra as his meditation notes.

Srimad-Bhagavatam is therefore the natural commentary on Vedanta written by the same author. Therefore it is full of transcendental potency, and bestows the highest benediction of pure devotional service. Anyone who can actually understand and realize the deep ontological significance of Srimad-Bhagavatam is a completely liberated soul, and enjoys relishing the eternal Holy Name, fame, form and pastimes of Krsna as his daily spiritual nourishment. This is the actual Vedanta, the objective or conclusion (anta) of the Vedas.

Having known this exalted platform of self-realization, how is it possible for us to compromise with our Godbrothers, who want to make the pure bhakti movement of Lord Caitanya into a mere religious organization, complete with fallen priests, illegal fund-raising businesses and crowds of foolish followers? They talk about cooperation, but if they really were sincere then they would have cooperated with Srila Prabhupada instead of disobeying his clear instructions about how to manage ISKCON. So we can never compromise or cooperate with such neophyte devotees. We cannot go down to their level; if we do, then who would carry on the actual tradition, the pure lineage of Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu?

So that, dear and patient readers, is why we are living in an obscure village far from all the nonsense of the world, and engaging ourselves exclusively in pure devotional service without any other motive. We have withdrawn from the false association of mixed devotional service in order to devote ourselves to the original, pure process. And Krsna is giving all facility. This is the real goal of the Vedas, the actual purpose of human life and the real aim of spiritual culture. If anyone can understand and realize this, he automatically transcends all religious processes and instructions, and all other kinds of spiritual realization, for they are all included within the concept of kevala-bhakti, the highest platform of spiritual life.

Esoteric Teaching Catemaco Retreat Founding Devotees

I am deeply indebted to my dear disciples Uddhava, Florian, Conor and Neville for their transcendental association, service and support in this great spiritual adventure. My heartfelt blessings on all of them to advance in spiritual life and revive their original relationship with the Lord.